


Moonlight

by kainess



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baekhyun - Freeform, Byun Baekhyun - Freeform, Chanyeol - Freeform, Chen - Freeform, Conflict, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hinted Chanbaek, I know it sounds scary but I promise I don't kill the main ship, Internal Conflict, M/M, Mafia EXO (EXO), Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death, Oh Sehun - Freeform, Park Chanyeol - Freeform, Sehun - Freeform, Slow Burn, Some Chanbaek, Suho - Freeform, XiuChen - Freeform, Xiumin - Freeform, angst queen, junmyeon - Freeform, minseok is timid and sweet and wholesome, pinky promise lmao, some fluff but mostly angst, sorry if this is shit lmao, usually minseok is the scary mob boss but this time it's jongdae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23326288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kainess/pseuds/kainess
Summary: Jongdae’s family runs an established and well known mafia, when one day a man of the name Ji-won turns them into the police. When Ji-won dies before Jongdae's father can punish him and save the mafia's reputation, his father comes to terms with another plan instead: to kill the only remaining relative of Ji-won's. But what happens when that relative is Kim Minseok, Jongdae's closet friend and love interest?
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 24
Kudos: 38
Collections: SnowSpark Fest Round One





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #: Self prompt. I needed more angst lmao
> 
> Would love to thank my lovely beta readers, Paige and Hailey :)   
> Also, as stated in the summary, Ji-won (Minseok's made up uncle) dies from suicide. If you are sensitive to that topic, there will be a warning at the start of the chapter. It's only mentioned and not shown, but I thought I would include that now. Happy reading!

**_December 24, 2019_ **

**_18:55_ **

  
  


Jongdae tightens the tie around his neck and looks into the mirror in front of him. His hair is neatly slicked back, eyes void of any emotion as he looks over his facial features. He looks pale under the bathroom lighting. He looks ill. 

His calm composure conceals just how terrified he is. His stomach is doing somersaults and his mind’s racing with a hundred thoughts a minute. His eyes close as he takes in a long breath. Today was the big day. He had to kill his long time friend, Kim Minseok. 

He can hardly think straight with the music blaring in the background. It was Christmas music, which unnerves Jongdae, though it’s normal given the situation. 

He stares down at his knuckles gripping onto the rim of the sink, the skin turning white with pressure. He can hear his racing heart beat over the blasting music. How did he get here? How did this become his life?

  
  


**_October 16, 2019_ **

**_9:27_ **

  
  


Jongdae found a smile spreading across his lips as he saw Minseok bounding over to him. Minseok waves over to him in an ecstatic manner, a large backpack on his back. The two were both enrolled in college and had the same chemistry lab class together. Jongdae had enrolled as a means to do something with his time, while Minseok had enrolled to support himself in the future. Jongdae didn’t need to support himself like Minseok did, he was already set for the rest of his life. His Dad built himself an empire and Jongdae was reaping the benefits ever since. That’s not to say that Jongdae didn’t help his father out, he was most certainly useful, but still, it’s important to recognize where the wealth he had comes from. 

“You look exhausted, darling.” Jongdae could see a faint blush trickling over Minseok’s cheeks from the greeting. 

“I stayed up all night trying to figure out the post lab that’s due today.” Is his sheepish reply. Jongdae looked him over and took in his tired appearance. He felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance when remembering they were all assigned to groups in the class. 

“Your group mates didn’t help you?” There’s curiosity to his tone that carefully masks his annoyance. 

“No. I don’t really know anyone in my group with the exception of Baekhyun, and he’s been in the hospital with his mother all week, so I didn’t want to put any additional pressure on him, you know?” Ah, Minseok. He was too sweet for his own good. He understood Baekhyun, but why didn’t he contact the rest of his group? Does it really matter if you hurt their feelings if you don’t know them? If you don’t call them a friend?

“Baekhyun aside, you should have contacted your other partners. Why should they share the grade with you if they didn’t do anything? Doesn’t seem very fair in my book. Baekhyun’s in the hospital, but what are the others doing?”

“Probably getting wasted at a frat party?” It was more of a question from Minseok than a statement, but Jongdae took it anyway. 

“We’ll never know, because you didn’t ask.” Minseok reddens once again but Jongdae swings an arm around the other’s shoulders as the two begin to walk toward their shared lab. “Oh, relax. I’m sure you did well in the post lab. If you want, I’ll let you compare my answers.” He winked at Minseok who leaned back into his hold. 

“I hope you’re in my group this time. At least then, even if the rest of our group ignores us, I can always count on you to help me.” Jongdae smiles faintly at Minseok’s words as he gazes at the other. There was really something about his dear friend that he just absolutely adored. He couldn’t put his finger on it yet, simply because there were just too many things about Minseok that Jongdae loved. “That and you don’t take shit from anyone. You’d definitely get all of our group mates to participate.” 

“You could as well.” The two stop just outside of their lab door. “You just need to stop taking everyone’s feelings into consideration. It makes things a lot easier.” 

**_October 16, 2019_ **

**_18:14_ **

  
  


Jongdae sat crammed into a corner booth at the back of a fast food joint with a group of his friends. Minseok’s seated across from Jongdae as he sips coke through a straw from inside a white styrofoam cup. Baekhyun was there as well, Jongdae assumes he managed to get out of the hospital for a bit in order to get some fresh air and hang out with them. At least, that’s what Minseok told him. 

“Minseok said the post lab was really hard,” Baekhyun, the silver-haired boy, starts to speak, pausing so he can eat another fry, “but he said today’s lab was even harder.”

“I didn’t think that was possible.” Sehun, the youngest friend of the group, said from beside Jongdae. “You couldn’t pay me near enough to take that class.”

“Too bad you have to next semester.” Baekhyun says and pokes his tongue out at Sehun from his spot next to Minseok. The brunet throws his paper straw wrapper at him as a result. 

“You should have taken it with us this semester.” Minseok comments while taking the wrapper off the table. “It would have been so much easier on you. Good luck with whatever partners you get next semester.”

“Maybe they won’t be as shitty as yours.” Sehun snorts, causing a sigh to leave Minseok.

“I hope not, or you’ll really be screwed.” 

The group originally met up in order to work on their new post lab that was due next Wednesday, but then Sehun caught word of their hang out and insisted he wouldn’t distract them. Of course, then he complained about being hungry, and now they’re in the back of a McDonald’s without any chemistry textbooks or notes to help them with the post lab. The three of them would probably stay up all night next Monday to get it done in time. That’s how it usually went. Jongdae, unlike most of his peers and classmates, wasn’t overly worried about the outcome of his grades in school. He didn’t need a fancy degree, he didn’t need to get a “real” job. However, he couldn’t look too suspicious to the public eye, so he needed to at least act like he gave somewhat of a shit about his grades. 

“We really should be working on our post lab.” Minseok, however, was the opposite. Jongdae had known him since they were in diapers and he knew Minseok like the back of his hand. The boy prided himself on his grades; they practically made up his identity. If he made anything lower than a high B on an exam, you’d hear about it for the next several weeks. It didn’t bother Jongdae though. Minseok came from a rough background and he needed all the help and luck he could get to make it through in life. When Minseok was a freshman in high school his parents had tragically and suddenly died in a car accident on their way back from a family vacation. Minseok hadn’t gone with them, he was stuck at home with the flu and insisted to his parents that he’d be fine while they were gone. After all, they had done so much for him, he told them that they  _ deserved  _ this vacation. 

Jongdae remembers the early morning phone call from Minseok, he was so hysterical that he could barely understand him on the other line. Jongdae ended up driving over and bringing Minseok back to his place, just so he could get him out of his house. After the death of his parents, Minseok hopped around from place to place before he’d end up back with Jongdae. Jongdae, however, could never let Minseok stay with him for too long. Too many people would come in and out of his house and it wasn’t the kind of atmosphere that he wanted someone like Minseok to be exposed to for too long. When you have someone as pure and wholesome as Minseok, you’d want to keep them that way and Jongdae was no different. 

At the end of high school, Minseok had worked enough odd jobs to save up for his own apartment. It was a shitty one in a shitty area, but it gave him a roof over his head. Minseok knew that if he wanted to stand a chance in the real world, he’d need to bust his ass and get himself a degree so he could get an actual job. It wouldn’t be easy, but he was fairing pretty well. His grades were beyond decent, but that never stopped Minseok from stressing out over every little aspect of his grades.

“We’ll get it done, don’t worry.” Jongdae found himself saying to ease the worried Minseok. Minseok smiles slightly at this and leans back into his seat. It seemed to have worked. Baekhyun exchanges a look with Jongdae before clearing his throat and excusing himself. 

“I need to get back to the hospital. If I get there any later I’ll miss visiting hours and I want to drop off some food I cooked for my mom earlier.” The group nodded in understanding as Baekhyun got up and left the small restaurant. 

“We should probably call it a night.” Sehun waited a few minutes to talk. “You guys have a morning class tomorrow, right?”

“Just Minseok, but I agree. He needs all the extra sleep he can get, especially after the all-nighter he just pulled.” Minseok blushed out of embarrassment though he stayed silent. 

“University is just brutal like that.” Sehun laughed while getting up from the booth, Jongdae sliding out afterward. 

“You’re telling me.” Minseok grumbled under his breath while exiting from the booth as well. 

The trio ended up outside the food joint, lingering around on the sidewalk as no one really wanted to head home yet. It was almost a quarter to eight, the group had easily spent two hours fucking around instead of doing their homework. 

Minseok’s the first one to call it quits and head home. “I’ll call you after class tomorrow, okay?” Jongdae nodded in acknowledgement before Minseok waved goodbye and headed down the sidewalk in the direction of his apartment. Jongdae couldn’t tell you why the two had a habit of calling each other whenever their classes ended. It was just a thing they found comfort in. He didn’t find it weird. 

“See you tomorrow?” 

“What, you’re skipping class again?” Jongdae asks with a small grin on his face as Sehun slings his bag over his shoulder. “You want to graduate high school, right? You just have one year left, Sehun. Don’t start slacking now.”

Sehun rolled his eyes at Jongdae’s parenting. “To be fair, I’ve  _ been  _ slacking.” Jongdae only shrugged in response.  _ Your funeral,  _ Jongdae found himself muttering as the two walked in the same direction. They lived relatively close to each other, Sehun right down the block from Jongdae’s mansion. Sehun was also a wealthy kid, though it came from his parents working in highly respected jobs. His mother was a lawyer and his father a dentist. A mafia lord may not be the most respected job, but when people are too afraid to say anything it’s easy to forget. 

“See ya.” Sehun breaks the silence when it comes to the point where the two have to separate. “I’m still coming over tomorrow, right?” Jongdae shifts uneasily on his spot on the sidewalk. 

“Are you sure about this?” Jongdae was very hesitant when it came to involving Sehun in his family’s…  _ activities _ . “I don’t want you skipping your classes for this. And you already have jobs set up for you through your parents.” 

“I don’t want to work the jobs my parents set up for me.” Sehun explains to Jongdae for what seems to be the hundredth time. “Your job is more productive in the long run.” Jongdae just shakes his head. 

Sehun’s mind was already made up. 

“Then meet me at my house tomorrow. Arrive at the gates by six in the morning. If you aren’t there at exactly six, then I’ll just assume you’re no longer interested.” There’s almost a threatening tone to Jongdae’s voice. Sehun swallows a lump in his throat. “You know you can’t go back after tomorrow, right? You’ve already dug your grave at this point, just from having this conversation.” Sehun nods his head quickly to show Jongdae that he’s listening. “My father takes who he hires seriously. Just… think it over tonight. If you don’t show up tomorrow,” his eyes wander over the dim street lights that light up the streets, “my father doesn’t have to know I ever spoke to you about this.”

For what it was worth, Jongdae tried. He really did.


	2. Chapter 2

**_October 17, 2019_ **

**_5:45_ **

  
  


Jongdae let out a long sigh when he saw Sehun standing by the gates through the security cameras. He had hoped that Sehun wouldn’t come this morning, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. He was a stubborn teenage boy that would stop at nothing to be taken seriously. Baekhyun was going to kill him. 

“There should be an unspoken rule that teenagers aren’t allowed to join mafias.” Jongdae finds himself mumbling as he makes his way down the stairs of the second floor. He knew that’d never happen though, at least with his father’s mafia anyway. His father was always willing to take in new people, though they needed to pass intense background checks first. Recently, there had been a lot of rats sneaking about, and it made his father more than hesitant when it came to trusting people. In the last several months, Jongdae had never seen his father put hits on so many of his own men. It was another reason why Jongdae was so hesitant to let Sehun join them. He was just a kid. 

Wow, Baekhyun was  _ really  _ going to kill him. 

Jongdae slides the door open, dressed in a green silk robe and matching green slippers. His calm exterior masking his anxious and uncertain interior. He can feel Sehun’s determined gaze weighing him down as he walks across the clean, empty yard. Not a single chirp from a bird could be heard, not a single car in sight. It was dead outside. 

“You know,” Jongdae starts as he approaches the gates, making no move to open them for Sehun, “you can still go home. It’s not yet six.” He glances down at the expensive watch on his wrist. 

“I told you last night; I’m interested.” Jongdae just shakes his head when coming to terms that Sehun wasn’t going to budge. “In that case,” Jongdae pulls the gates open, “you need to learn that when I tell you to come at a certain time, that doesn’t mean come fifteen minutes early. That’s just as bad as arriving late. When you’re told to come at a certain time, you need to come at that time. Not a different one. It’s important you know this.” 

“Got it.” 

Jongdae sure hopes so. “Well, in this case I’ll let my father know that he has an interested potential worker.” Just this part alone was dangerous. Jongdae had seen plenty of men and women apply for the mafia, only to be killed off when they weren’t what his father wanted. Jongdae wasn’t surprised, he can’t just let people go after they’re not accepted. Purely by showing up they know too much. With Sehun… so much was at stake. He was already regretting his decision, but he had gone too far. He had crossed lines that couldn’t be uncrossed. He wanted to speak with his father first before he’d speak to Sehun himself. He needed to convince his father to take Sehun in, he couldn’t go into this blind. He needed to have the upper hand.

Jongdae led Sehun deep into the mansion. They come to a stop in the back of a lavish hallway. Sehun’s looking around with wonder in his eyes while Jongdae’s palms are growing sweaty. His stomach churns as he opens a large wooden door placed at the end of the hallway. It was the family library, the room where his father loved to conduct business. Jongdae clears his throat before speaking. “You need to wait here.” He instructs as the two walk into the large library. “Sit on the red couch. Don’t move, don’t get up. Stay on the couch.” Sehun raises an eyebrow, though he does as he’s told. He makes his way over to the red piece of furniture and sits down, staring at Jongdae with an innocent face. He closes his eyes and turns around. He didn’t want to expose Sehun to this life. Why was he doing this? “I’ll be back shortly with my father.” With that, Jongdae closes the door behind him with a soft click. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Jongdae swears anxiously as he darts down the hallway. He was never nervous for interviews, but none of the prior interviewees had been his friend. They had just been strangers. Why would Jongdae care if a stranger lives or dies? 

He raises a shaky hand to his father’s door before bringing it down against the wood. He was never one to be nervous around his father. He respected him and was only intimidated in the appropriate moments, but with Sehun’s life on the line… it changed things. He was suddenly conscious of the words he would be using, his body language, his gestures, everything. Things he had never paid attention to around his father. 

“What?” His father’s deep voice comes from the other side of the door. Jongdae can tell he has been awake for awhile given the tone of his voice. He wondered if he has already seen Sehun on the security cameras. 

“I would like to speak with you.” He knows his father will be raising an eyebrow from the formality of his tone. He waits to continue until the door is opened. “I have an interviewee for you in the family library.” 

“Okay. Is that all?” His father looks unamused, as if this was nothing to him. Maybe because he had already held so many interviews in the last month that he was over it. 

“It’s Oh Sehun.” 

“Jongdae…” His father sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why would you invite him for an interview? Isn’t he only seventeen?” Jongdae slowly nods his head in confirmation. “I suppose you have good reason for bringing him here. Your recommendations almost always get hired. But a teenager… they’re too immature and too emotional. They’re too much of a liability and can’t be trusted most times.” 

“Father, I’ll take him under my wing, I promise. He won’t even be someone you’ll have to think about. You won’t even remember his name, that’s how much he  _ won’t _ come up in conversation. He’ll be my full responsibility. Anything he does that could come back to hurt us, I’ll take full responsibility for. I know I shouldn’t have brought him here, but you need to believe me, he was so persistent that if I didn’t I feared he’d do something stupid like break in.” His father shakes his head at his words. 

“And that’s someone you think I’ll want in my mafia? A reckless child?” 

“It shows that he’s determined and loyal.” Jongdae felt like he was fighting a losing battle, like he was marching up a hill with a large boulder about to roll down towards him. 

“I need that but only to an extent. I can’t have someone be so loyal that they’d bring down the entire mafia.” 

“I promise you that he will be my responsibility.” 

His father stays silent for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. “Fine. I’ll interview him. I’ll consider hiring him if he’s a good fit. If he’s not, then I’m sorry. I won’t blindly let someone in simply because they’re your friend.” 

“Understood, father.” Jongdae feels his breath hitch as he watches his father turn around and head toward the family library. He knew he’d regret this. ****

**_October 26, 2019_ **

**_15:25_ **

  
  


“Are you insane?” Baekhyun’s seething as he paces angrily around Jongdae’s bedroom. “How the hell could you allow Sehun to fucking interview for your father’s mafia?” Jongdae’s sitting on the edge of his bed like a scolded child. Minseok was on his way over to work on the post lab, so Baekhyun only had a few minutes to let out his anger. He didn’t plan on telling Baekhyun, but of course when Sehun found out that Baekhyun was also part of the family, he couldn’t help but run his big mouth to him. 

Baekhyun had been working with Jongdae as soon as he turned eighteen. He needed the money to cover the medical bills for his constantly sick mother, and it was at that point where Jongdae offered him the job. Baekhyun had always known that Jongdae’s father ran The Kim Family, the name the mafia was under. 

“How long did you plan on keeping this shit from me?”

“Honestly? For as long as possible.” That only seemed to piss Baekhyun off even more. He knows it wasn’t a good strategy considering they’d end up working together at some point, but what was he supposed to say? He didn’t see the point in lying anymore. 

“Jongdae, he’s a child. How can you even sleep at night knowing that you let a  _ child _ into a  _ mafia _ ?”

“Look, I’m not happy about it either, okay?” 

“Oh? Yet you still managed to get him an interview with your father?” 

“What the fuck was I supposed to do, Baekhyun?” 

“Tell him no!” Baekhyun shouts. “It’s not that hard to tell him no. Who cares if he keeps asking? You didn’t have to cave in.” The silver-haired man sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “You could have at least warned me in advance. I would have appreciated a heads up...” His voice trails off when the bedroom door opens and Minseok walks in, nearly tripping over his own two feet. “Sorry I’m late,” Minseok stumbles over his words as he slides his bookbag off his back, placing it onto the floor once he’s regained his balance, “I accidentally overslept.” 

“You just woke up?” Jongdae asks with a raised eyebrow. It wasn’t like Minseok to sleep so late into the day. The latest he was normally awake was eleven in the morning, not three in the afternoon. 

“I’ve been having some family issues.” Minseok offers to his two classmates while making his way over to Jongdae and sitting down next to him. Baekhyun continues to stand in the middle of the room until he feels awkward, making his way to sit on the computer chair at Jongdae’s desk. “Even when most of my family are dead, I still manage to have family problems. Isn’t that something?” Baekhyun and Jongdae exchange looks with one another, neither of them knowing what to say. “Relax, I’m only kidding. Well, partially. I am actually having family problems.” Minseok laughs lightheartedly. He leans forward and unzips his bag, rummaging around for a minute or two before pulling out his textbook and binder filled to the brim with paper. “My uncle is being, well, you know, my uncle.” 

Jongdae inwardly groans at the mention of Minseok’s uncle, Ji-won. He was the only relative left Minseok had contact with. He was from Minseok’s mother’s side, and for whatever reason that meant something to Minseok. The man was a questionable one to say the least, and that was saying something, believe it or not, considering it was coming from Jongdae. He was a dodgy man; whenever he left you’d find that you were suddenly short on money or your beloved items went missing. He was always making deals with people with no intention of keeping his end of the bargain. Jongdae knew it would get him killed one day, but he just was impressed the man wasn’t dead yet. 

“What did he do now?” Baekhyun casually asks while pulling his notebook out of his bag. He pulls out the lab, staring down at the unanswered questions. 

“He’s been asking for money again. I would love to help him,” there’s a tired pain to Minseok’s voice as he speaks, “but I already told him I’m low on cash myself. I can’t keep giving him money when I have my own things to pay for. University doesn’t come free.”

“And neither does he. He never pays you back anyway.” Jongdae remarked. He glances over at Minseok who’s next to him, carefully eyeing his facial expression. He had dark bags under his eyes. He hadn’t been sleeping again. If Ji-won became any more of an issue for Minseok, he’d have to start thinking about getting rid of him himself.

“He’s still my family though.” Minseok comments with no emotion to his voice, eyes scanning over the first question in their lab. “And my mom did love him, so I want to try and see what she saw in him. She was always giving him second chances and always lending him money, but it’s no big deal.” Minseok attempts to shrug off his worries. “It’s not like I have any money to give him anyway, and he’s not pestering me or anything. He backed off… kind of.” Jongdae pulled a face at Minseok’s comment though kept his thoughts to himself. He’d definitely be looking into Ji-won later. He always resorted to questionable acts when low on cash. He didn’t like the idea of him showing up to Minseok’s apartment late at night asking for money. God knows he might do something to hurt him. Jongdae’s vision starts to go red just at the thought. “Anyway, I think we should focus on the post lab now.” Baekhyun and Jongdae exchange another look before nodding along in agreement. If Minseok didn’t want to talk about it then he wasn’t going to. It was something that the two of them had learned since meeting Minseok.

It took the three of them almost six hours to complete the post lab and by the end of the day Jongdae’s brain was starting to turn to mush. He didn’t want to look at one more thing chemistry related or he thought he might crumble into pieces. “I should head home; it’s getting pretty late.” Minseok rubs the sleep from his eyes while Baekhyun dozes in and out of consciousness on Jongdae’s bed. 

“Let me walk you home.” Jongdae offers after glancing at the wall clock above his bed. It was almost ten at night and Jongdae didn’t like the area Minseok lived in. 

“I brought my bike here today. I can just ride it back.” Minseok smiles sleepily and Jongdae can feel his heart physically react at the sight and he doesn’t know why. It’s just one of those things about Minseok. 

“Then we can walk your bike back home.” Jongdae slides off his bed, looking down at Minseok who’s still sat at the edge. He sighs but eventually gets up, letting Jongdae open the door for him before the two make their way down the hall. The pair pass by his father’s room, light peeking out from underneath the crack of his bedroom door. 

“I feel like your dad never sleeps. What does he do with his time?” Jongdae tensed at Minseok’s question, leaving it unanswered. Minseok was one of the few people that didn’t know about his father’s occupation, despite the obvious red flags throughout his house. Maybe Minseok knew and decided to overlook it, but Jongdae highly doubted that Minseok would have kept him in his life had he known. It was something that Jongdae never planned on revealing to Minseok, even if that meant he’d have to deal with the consequences later on down the line. If it meant risking his friendship, then Jongdae wouldn’t tell him anything. Then again, maybe Minseok already  _ does  _ know and he’s dropping hints for Jongdae to eventually confront him about. 

If Minseok wanted an answer to his question then he didn’t bother asking again. Jongdae watches Minseok’s eyes scan the mansion’s surroundings as they walk toward the front door, a cold sweat never leaving him. He was always terrified that Minseok would accidentally see something. Not that his father ever held anything at the home where his friends would openly see it, but it still made Jongdae nervous. 

Jongdae and Minseok silently make their way down the empty streets as Minseok pushes his bicycle along the paved road. “I’m glad we got our post lab done.” Minseok lets out a breath of relief as he speaks. “Now we don’t have to worry about it anymore until next class.” 

“Poor Baekhyun though, I think we fried his brain. He might show up to class with brain damage.” Minseok laughs while pushing his bike. “I don’t think he’ll ever want to be in a group with us again.”

“Okay, but we did give him most of the answers.”

“That’s true. I take that back; he’ll probably beg to be in our group again next week.” And it goes like that for the rest of the walk to Minseok’s apartment. The two talk about their coursework while dreading future exams and how they’ll barely manage to scrape by in their chemistry class. Minseok also suggests that the three of them take the same second level chemistry class together next semester and Jongdae agrees, even if he doesn’t actually need chemistry. 

Jongdae can’t ignore the guilt, the guilt that keeps tugging at him as they walk together. What would Minseok think of Jongdae if he found out that he was the reason for Sehun joining a mafia? He wondered if Minseok would be disappointed in him. He wouldn’t blame him-- Jongdae was disappointed in himself as well. 

Jongdae’s done a lot of things that Minseok would be disappointed in him for. He feels dread start to wash over him and Jongdae suddenly feels like letting the ground swallow him up whole. He wondered if he’d always have to feel this way around Minseok. 

His thoughts come to a halt when Minseok abruptly comes to a stop and Jongdae nearly knocks into his back. Before he can even question anything, Minseok turns around to thank Jongdae for walking him home. 

“Ah,” Jongdae smiles bashfully, “it was no problem. I love walking you home.” His face becomes warm when realizing how eager he sounded. “Uh, you know, it’s just fun to walk and talk.” Yeah… smooth. Minseok lets out an airy laugh before walking to his door.

“Thank you, Jongdae.” Jongdae’s heart fluttered at the sound of his name falling from Minseok’s lips, and it fluttered even more when Minseok gave him that charming smile. Jongdae waits on the front step while Minseok closed and locked the front door. A soft sigh left him as he looked up at the starry night sky. He always hated the time alone when he would head back home. It gave him too much time to think; too much silence to think. 

He reaches into the inside of his coat, pulling out a small, single purple hyacinth. It was a habit of his, though he usually wasn’t this bold to leave it on Minseok’s doorstep right after walking him home. He would do it at night sometimes, after coming back from a job. Whenever he would feel deep regret for something he’d done, or whenever he thought Minseok might be disappointed in him for something he would place the flower on his doorstep. 

It was his way of apologizing.

**_October 28, 2019_ **

**_7:45_ **

  
  


“This is stupid.” Baekhyun’s still pissed at Jongdae, rightfully so. Jongdae and Baekhyun are sitting on a bench in a training room, watching as Sehun does some last minute stretches. Today was the day Jongdae would work on Sehun’s fighting skills. He didn’t know if he could fight, and he didn’t know if he’d be any good. He supposed Sehun didn’t  _ need  _ to be good, he could always do other things for Jongdae’s father. Maybe they could have him work with technology. He wasn’t sure yet.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s stupid. We need to see where he’s at.” Jongdae responds with a stern voice. “It’s important to know if he can fight or not.” 

“And I guess that’s why _ I’m _ here.” The two look up at the new voice, Sehun swallowing a lump in his throat from the new presence who’s walked in the doorway. “I’m Park Chanyeol. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He extends his hand out for Sehun to shake who does so timidly. Chanyeol was going to be instructing Sehun today. He’s the family’s best and most skilled fighter, right alongside Baekhyun. The two of them together were quite a sight to see. Chanyeol, while clumsy in his everyday life, was balanced and elegant when it came to fighting. The black haired man knew what he was doing; he knew the weak spots of each of his potential opponents and would have their strengths mapped out before even fighting them. It was something he took seriously and it made him extremely valuable to Jongdae’s father. Chanyeol was the member who was sent out the most on jobs-- if his father needed someone roughed up, jumped, beaten to death, anything like that, Chanyeol would be the one to send out.

Baekhyun, however, was silent. He was graceful; most of his victims never even saw him coming. If his father wanted the fight to be quick, painless almost, he’d send Baekhyun. He never made a mess, which is something Jongdae always found impressive. He doesn’t know how you can beat someone to death without making a mess, but leave it to Baekhyun. Chanyeol was loud and confident when he fought, whereas Baekhyun almost never wanted to be seen or heard. They made the most unique duo, one that was of great value to the family. 

“You’re on time for once.” Jongdae drawls out, with an almost bored tone. Chanyeol ignores him though, instead sending a charming smile Baekhyun’s way. “I haven’t seen you in a hot minute.” Baekhyun’s eyes narrow at the man’s flirtatious tone, though he can feel his cheeks heating up regardless. 

“Right,” Jongdae rolls his eyes as he gets up, “I brought you in today so we can figure out where he’s at. If he’s better with his hands, weapons, or none of the above.”

“What if I’m bad at everything?” Sehun asks innocently. Chanyeol covers his mouth to fight back his laugh, though Baekhyun instead glares at Jongdae. Jongdae clears his throat and tries to keep himself from looking over at the silver-headed man. 

“You won’t. We’ll find a use for you somewhere. Not everyone in the family can fight. Think of it like one of your high school classes. You know how the teacher gives you a test at the beginning of the year?” Sehun nods his head in response to Jongdae’s question. “Why?”

“To see where we’re at…?” 

“Exactly.” Jongdae shoots him a warm smile. “This is the same as that. We just want to see where you’re at. Whatever you excel in is what you’ll be used for. We can improve everything else later.” 

Chanyeol steps in front of Sehun, a look of focus and determination on his face. “First Baekhyun and I will see how good you are when it comes to just fighting with your hands.” Chanyeol gestures to Baekhyun, who’s still sitting on the bench, looking completely lost and out of his element. “After that, you’ll train with Jongdae. Jongdae excels with weapons, so he’ll see if you’re any good with them.” 

“What about after?” Chanyeol chuckles at Sehun’s question. 

“After we’ll see if you’re good with technology. If you can track, find IP addresses, hack into private accounts, that kind of thing. Later on we’ll see how you are with poisons. There’s many things for you to do here.” 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Jongdae can hear Baekhyun mutter under his breath from where he’s seated. He chews on the inside of his cheek. Minseok would kill him. 

Sehun’s panting heavily, hair matted to his face in sweat. His whole body was weak and cramped. He was covered in bruises, his joints aching. His hands were trembling while Chanyeol and Baekhyun were looming over him. Neither of them had even broken a sweat. In fact, Sehun thought they looked like they had just finished going on an afternoon stroll. He was way out of his league. Sehun thinks he may be in trouble with how silent the room is. He couldn’t tell what anyone was thinking when they all had poker faces on. He wonders if one of them might just kill him right then and there.

“You know,” Chanyeol’s voice pulls him out of his stupor, “I’m really impressed.” Baekhyun’s already gone when Chanyeol offers his hand to pull Sehun off the floor. “Not many can hold Baekhyun and I off like that.”

“It’s true.” Jongdae chimes in. “Most people are already crying out in pain within the first minute.”

“How…” Sehun needs a moment to catch his breath. “How long did I last?”

“About eleven and a half minutes.” Jongdae says while checking his watch. He notes Sehun’s dejected expression and body language. “It may not seem like much, but when you’re fighting Korea’s deadliest fighters I think that’s quite impressive.” 

“He’s a natural almost.” Chanyeol gives Sehun a sturdy pat on the back. Sehun can feel his soul leaving his body with each pat. “We just need to work on your training, but I think after no time you should be okay. I’d love to work with you on a job some time.” Sehun nearly gushes at this though Baekhyun angrily clears his throat. 

“He still has other areas to train in first. Don’t get ahead of yourself, Chanyeol.” His words are harsh and agitated. Chanyeol raises his hands in defeat. 

“Whatever you say, princess.” Baekhyun shoots Chanyeol a warning look before rolling his eyes and stomping out of the room. “You’re definitely going to have to talk to him later.” Chanyeol says to Jongdae before leaving the room after Baekhyun. Jongdae lets out a deep sigh. He was  _ very _ aware of that.

“Are you ready for more training or do you need to take a break first?” Jongdae knew he shouldn’t be babying Sehun, but he didn’t want to overwork him. He’s still protective of him, even if he had a strange way of showing it. 

“Am I allowed to ask for a break?” Sehun cautiously asks. Jongdae didn’t like that he was acting like he’d kill him at any moment. Had he done anything to make him feel that way?

“You are… just don’t ask your other trainers.” He wraps his right arm around Sehun’s shoulders. “Let’s grab something to eat and then we’ll see where you are with weapons. Have you ever held a gun before? Ever thrown a Molotov cocktail? Ever beat someone with a steel pipe?” 

“Um… no?” 

Jongdae doesn’t know why he was expecting Sehun to answer that question with anything else. He is a high schooler after all. “Right… well, we won’t be practicing with actual people today, so don’t worry.” 

The two of them are crammed in the back of a pizza parlor a block from Jongdae’s house. He was in a pizza mood and this seemed like a good excuse to get some. “So…” Sehun’s playing with the paper wrapper from his straw as the two wait on their food. “Minseok doesn’t know about any of this? Like, at  _ all _ ?” 

Jongdae grew tense where he sat in his seat. He focuses on his hands that are laying in his lap. “No.” It wasn’t something he was proud of admitting. It seemed like everyone  _ but  _ Minseok knew about Jongdae and his family. 

“And we’re his only friends… and we’re all in this…  _ job.  _ Right?”

“Right.” 

“When did Baekhyun start?” 

Jongdae has to steady his breathing as he leans back in his seat. He knew Sehun would be curious about everything, and now that he was involved he had the right to know. “A few years ago. I offered him a place so he would have a way to pay his mother’s hospital bills.” 

“Oh. Okay.”

Baekhyun’s mother had a weak immune system. Ever since Baekhyun was a small child, she often fell sick and would be in and out of hospitals. Baekhyun’s father had never been present in his life and he had no siblings. This left Baekhyun with being the only one to care for his mother. When he was in high school his grandmother had died and left a small amount of money for him and his mother. This helped pay his mother’s bills and the money didn’t run out until shortly after he graduated high school. When he was eighteen, Baekhyun knew he only had a few months before he would have no money left. Jongdae, who had known him for a year at this point, offered Baekhyun a place in his family. He knew Baekhyun had the potential to be a skilled fighter and that his father would be able to use him. He was just glad that Baekhyun took him up on the offer since his mother’s condition had only been worsening over time. The two men knew he wouldn’t have had a choice anyway.

“How has Minseok never found out about your family? Or about you and Baekhyun? He’s known all of us for a while now.” 

“From being extremely careful.” Jongdae can feel his eye twitch out of annoyance. “If you ever slip up around him I’ll kill you.” Sehun stills in his seat briefly before leaning forward and resting his chin on the backs of his hands. 

“Minseok is struggling with money like Baekhyun. Why have you never offered Minseok a spot in the family like you did with Baekhyun? Why did I get a spot over him?” 

Jongdae presses his lips into a thin line. He needed to remind himself that Sehun didn’t mean any harm with the questions. He was just always defensive when it came to Minseok, maybe because of how guilty he felt over the entire thing. It certainly didn’t help that Sehun had the tendency of being blunt when asking questions too. “He wouldn’t last in a place like this. You know Minseok, Sehun. How do you think he’d hold up?” Jongdae looked up at Sehun, sat with his cheek propped on his fist. 

Sehun seems to take his words into consideration. “You’re right. He’s too nice.” The drums his fingertips along the surface of the wooden table. “I don’t think he could ever hurt someone.”

“Do you think you could?” Jongdae asks the question without putting much thought behind it, but he wants to know. Sehun, the baby of their tight knit group, the youngest of all his friends. If put in a situation, would he really hurt someone? Would he  _ kill  _ someone?

“Could I?” Sehun’s slightly thrown off by the question, but he barely lets it show. Only the slight widening of his eyes gives him away. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter the answer. I’m in with you now, right? So even if I couldn’t, I suppose I’d have to learn how to. I did want this after all.” Jongdae swallows hard and nods his head slowly. He was too nonchalant about this. Maybe Sehun was always meant to go down this path. 

**_October 30, 2019_ **

**_13:45_ **

  
  


Minseok’s reading a magazine on Jongdae’s bed, an old radio playing from his nightstand. Jongdae’s on his bed as well, though he’s positioned with his head at the end of the bed and his feet towards his pillows. 

“You know, you’ve been a little distant lately.” Minseok states without pausing from reading his magazine. Jongdae pauses from the book he’s reading to look at the other. “Well, you know, I feel like I just haven’t seen you much. Has everything been okay with you?” Minseok pokes Jongdae’s foot before he sits up. “What’s going on with you?”

Jongdae blushes slightly at the concern Minseok displays. “Ah, well, you know.” Except Minseok doesn’t know. How is he meant to explain the shit he’s gotten Sehun into? How does he explain that the things that cause him stress are not grades or school work? Jongdae’s picking at the hem of his sleeves absentmindedly. He didn’t want to explain it to Minseok. 

He squirms under the intense gaze from Minseok. His eyebrows furrowed as he carefully stares at Jongdae. Jongdae briefly glances up at the other. He can see in his face that Minseok wants to say something, his lips parted slightly before he presses them back together in a thin line. It’s silent for another minute before Minseok nods his head. “Hmm, if you say so.” Jongdae knows that Minseok doesn’t pry into things when there’s any kind of resistance. It’s one of the things he likes about him. “You’ve been stressed though.” Jongdae’s head snaps up, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “So I’ve been thinking,” he gives Jongdae a cute smile as he closes his magazine, “we should do something to get your mind off things!” 

“Like… what?” Jongdae eyed Minseok cautiously as he slowly put his book to the side. 

“The night is young! We’re twenty-somethings, we should go out and enjoy the town. Let's do something fun.”

“It’s two in the afternoon.” 

“Exactly my point! The night is super young, Jongdae.” Minseok shot a playful wink at Jongdae. “And I’m tired of being cooped up in your room. It’s very lovely though.” Jongdae can’t help but to chuckle. “Let’s get some food, walk around, I don’t know. Do  _ something. _ ” Jongdae didn’t have any plans today. He didn’t have a job, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were training Sehun some more today, and he didn’t have any classes. However, he did have a job the following night. While he didn’t need to wake up early, it would be the first job Sehun would be on, and Jongdae would need all the rest he could get to stay alert for both him and the younger man. Still, he had a hard time ever turning Minseok down. 

“If you’re so eager to date me, you should have just said it.” Minseok laughs loudly from how coy Jongdae was acting. Jongdae can’t help but beam whenever he makes Minseok laugh, but somewhere deep inside him he feels a little disappointed from the man’s reaction. 

Minseok and Jongdae walk side by side, their shoulders brushing against each other every now and then. Minseok has his hands stuffed in his pockets as his eyes roam along the many shop windows. It was a peaceful silence, one that didn’t make either uncomfortable. It was cold, a lot colder than the two were expecting. Minseok felt as if his hands were going to freeze off his body and Jongdae couldn’t feel his nose anymore. It was already six in the evening and with the sun retreating it was becoming noticeably colder. 

“Maybe,” Jongdae breathes out as his eyes scan the crowded streets, “we should have found an indoor activity to do.” Minseok only laughs at the other’s misery. Even with it being as cold as it was, the streets were still buzzing with life as people hurried on by with their loved ones.  _ It’s always lively this time of year _ , Jongdae mentally notes. 

“Tell me, Jongdae, do you have any plans for the holiday this year?” 

Jongdae’s caught off guard by the question, but he isn’t sure why. Usually Jongdae was the one questioning Minseok on his holiday plans as he often liked to invite the man to join him. “I always have plans, you know this.” Is Jongdae’s response. It was true. His father loved to throw huge Christmas parties and invite everyone over. His friends were always invited, long lost family would come over, and his father’s mob would attend as well. It was always a lot-- there was always so much going on at these parties that it was easy to get swept up in it. Jongdae invited Minseok every year and Minseok would always attend. Did he already have plans this year..?

“I’m still going if your father plans on inviting me again.” Minseok says as if he can read Jongdae’s thoughts and worries. “I was just curious, is all. I think Ji-won actually wants to do something with me this Christmas.” Jongdae didn’t like that. “I’m not sure about it though. Nothing good ever comes out of him. I can’t tell if he genuinely wants to spend time with me or if he’s trying to mooch off me again.” There’s a furrow of his brows, the skin around his nose crinkling in thought. “What do you think, Jongdae?”

What does  _ he  _ think? Jongdae has plenty of thoughts regarding Ji-won, none of which were friendly. “I don’t trust him.” Jongdae decides to keep it short and simple. After all, Ji-won was still Minseok’s uncle and his only family left, and Jongdae didn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings. Even if Ji-won was a piece of shit. 

It’s quiet for a moment, Jongdae almost regretting his choice of words before Minseok lets out a soft chuckle. “I figured you’d say as much.” If there was any anger or resentment to Minseok’s comment then he didn’t show it. “Still, I don’t know what I should do in this situation.” Jongdae’s eyebrow raised ever so slightly. Minseok was actually conflicted about whether or not he should spend the holiday with his uncle. If he were to visit his uncle, Jongdae knew that likely meant he wouldn’t see the other on Christmas. He didn’t like that, and he certainly didn’t like the thought of Minseok alone with Ji-won. 

It’s not that Jongdae didn’t trust Minseok in making responsible decisions, it was Ji-won he didn’t trust. Wherever he went trouble followed, and Jongdae’s family were the ones cleaning up after him. He licks his dry lips, brows pulling together in a furrow as he stands in thought. “I think,” Jongdae’s voice finds itself just above a whisper, “that he’s up to no good. A man like him doesn’t change, Minseok.” Jongdae knew that better than anyone, and maybe that’s why he felt such a tight feeling in his chest. He was hypocritical at best, standing on a sidewalk in a crowded city telling Minseok who he should and shouldn't trust, when in reality he himself was no better even if he wanted to think he was. 

“Maybe so.” Minseok purses his lips as the two continue on with their walk. They were wandering around aimlessly, no destination in mind. “I like to think that people can change though.” Jongdae didn’t know why, but he felt irritated by the man’s comment. It was a naive mindset that would get Minseok either killed or in serious trouble one day. People don’t change; not at the blink of an eye. People like Ji-won-- like Jongdae, they don’t change overnight. It’s not in their hard wire to do a complete 180. Once a thief always a thief, once a killer always a killer. He keeps his money where his mouth is though, as much as he  _ does  _ wish to say something. Instead, he just simply grunts in response. Minseok knows Jongdae like the back of his hand, as much as Jongdae would like to think otherwise, and he most definitely knows when to stop. Minseok stays quiet. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There are mentions of suicide in this chapter towards the end.

**_October 31, 2019_ **

**_20:05_ **

  
  


It was beginning to get cold, the faint shivering of Sehun could be heard to the left of Jongdae. The two were perched outside, bodies alert and focused. Jongdae didn’t get a lick of sleep. He was nervous-- not for himself, but for Sehun. Today was the deciding factor in if Jongdae’s father would allow Sehun to stay or not. 

It was a simple job, one Jongdae had done more times than he could count. They were guarding an old warehouse where most of the family’s meetings took place. There wasn’t a meeting today, but there was an important shipment that would be arriving later in the night, once families and children were off the streets. The shipment was a large stash of drugs. It wasn’t anything surprising, one of the many forms of The Kim Family’s income relied on distributing drugs. Drug money-- it wasn’t honest, but it got food on the tables. 

“How long do they expect us to be out here? It’s cold as hell.” Jongdae mutters under his breath as he keeps a watchful eye out. They were standing outside of the warehouse, hanging around the front doors as they kept an eye on the surrounding area. Sehun had been quiet, not daring to complain on his first job. Jongdae thought that was smart of him, however he himself was not obligated to keep his complaints to himself. 

“The boss said they’d deliver the shit by nine or ten at night.”  _ Right.  _ Chanyeol was there too. Watching from a distance to make sure things ran smoothly. Normally it only takes two people, but when Chanyeol found out it would be Sehun’s first job, like a proud father, he was eager to insist that he tag along too. Jongdae found it slightly disturbing that Chanyeol was so persistent to see Sehun in action, but he tried not to think about it too much. 

Jongdae sighed at the news. It wasn’t anything he didn’t know, but he didn’t like to hear it confirmed. Standing outside in the cold for another hour wasn’t something that was on his agenda. “Well,” he licks his dry lips before continuing, “as long as we get out before eleven.” Chanyeol shoots him a questioning look. “Minseok--”

“Ah, I see.” Chanyeol cuts him off with a quiet chuckle. This only annoys Jongdae, a familiar rush of heat occupying the tips of his ears. 

“It’s not like that.” Jongdae’s quick to defend himself and now Sehun’s looking at them with a curious expression too. Chanyeol has a devious smirk on his lips, one that makes Jongdae’s stomach do a flip. He was up to no good. “He just-- we have movie nights on Halloween. It’s a  _ tradition _ .” Putting emphasis on the word, Jongdae doesn’t want either of them to come up with any ideas he won't approve of. 

“You seem to have a tradition of falling in love with your best friend.” Chanyeol, cheeky as ever. Jongdae can feel all the heat rushing to his face, and from the wide-eyed look Sehun’s giving him he figures it’ll only get worse from here. His eye is twitching and he’s struggling to stay professional. On the job, of all places, is when Chanyeol decides fucking with Jongdae would be the appropriate time. Chanyeol’s never even met Minseok, he’s only heard about him from Jongdae and Baekhyun. It was insulting, almost, that Chanyeol would use Minseok to get Jongdae worked up. It’s when he fails to come up with anything witty to respond with, when his face might be a little  _ too  _ red, he hears a sharp inhale from Sehun. 

“Who is that?” Jongdae and Chanyeol snap their heads up with eyes darting in the direction Sehun’s looking. Squinting his eyes, he can see a figure in the distance hunched behind some bushes. It's a lousy hiding spot which only makes him more anxious. Something doesn't feel right. Jongdae can feel a sweat break out over his body when a vague sense of familiarity washes over him. “Wait,” Sehun seems to have caught on too, “that’s not--”

“I don’t get it.” Chanyeol comments from his spot. “Do you two know him? If so, would you mind explaining to him how this is a bad idea.” Sehun and Jongdae remain eerily quiet as both men try to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why the man would be here. 

“That’s…” Sehun’s voice trails off as Jongdae shoots him a warning look. Chanyeol catches it and his patience is starting to wear thin. “Ji-won. That’s Minseok’s uncle.” Sehun goes against Jongdae’s glare and informs Chanyeol anyway. The taller’s mouth forms into a small ‘o’ shape before confusion forms on his face. 

“He doesn’t work for us.” Chanyeol states matter-of-fact.

“No.” Jongdae confirms. 

“But he clearly knows something is up.”

“Yeah.”

“So then, he’s up to no good?”

“He never is.”

“He’s a rat then.” Chanyeol’s voice is the firmest it’s ever been and Sehun looks like a deer caught in headlights. He would stay out of it, he knows this is best left between the pair. 

“We don’t know that.” It’s unlike Jongdae to come up with excuses for Ji-won, but Chanyeol is dangerous once he's made up his mind. If he thought someone was a rat then he’d take them out without a second thought. It wasn’t a good thing, but not necessarily a bad thing either. It meant he was loyal to Jongdae and his family, but sometimes he was wrong. While Jongdae couldn’t give less of a shit about Ji-won, he was Minseok’s uncle and his only family left. He couldn’t let Chanyeol do away with him like he wanted to. There was more at stake here. Jongdae would never be able to look him in the eyes again if he was the reason he lost his last relative. 

“We don’t?” Chanyeol asks incredulously. His hand was already reaching for a weapon as he kept his eyes trained on Ji-won.  _ Please, for once, use your damn head. It is not too late for you to turn around and walk away.  _ Jongdae’s internally pleading with Ji-won as he watches him anxiously. His hands are becoming clammy but he already knows what he has to do. He feels like crying on the spot. 

“Wha--” Jongdae’s widen the second everything comes together in his head. “No, wait.” His voice is desperate as he abruptly steps forward, startling Sehun and Chanyeol in the process. “Shit, shit, we gotta go.” There’s urgency in his voice and it puts the other two on edge. Jongdae rarely acts like this. Chanyeol opens his mouth to question him, only for the sound of sirens in the faint distance to speak for him. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. That fucker called the  _ cops  _ on us?” Chanyeol’s grabbing Sehun’s arm in seconds with an intense anger in his eyes. If Ji-won wasn’t dead before, he certainly would be now. Chanyeol was a scary man to have angry with you.

“It seems like it.” Jongdae answers coolly as the three share glances. “We go separate ways. Chanyeol and Sehun, you go towards the south and I’ll go towards the west. Once we’ve decided we aren’t being trailed we’ll meet back up at my house. We have to inform my father immediately about what’s happening.” Fuck, this really wasn’t good. “Odds are we won’t be able to intercept them before the shipments show up. My father can bribe the sheriff for the charges to be dropped, I’m not worried about that, but he’s going to be hellbent on getting revenge.” He wants to elaborate more, but time currently isn’t on their side. Now isn’t the time to panic. “I’ll see you soon.” Jongdae calls out as the sirens get louder. 

Jongdae’s out of breath as he runs through a heavily wooded area. The police had really pulled out all the stops for this one. They had almost the entire station dispatched for this, and on top of that they had all of their K-9s from the unit out too. He squeezes his eyes shut as he leans against a tree. He needs to catch his breath before continuing. Why would Ji-won do something like this? Jongdae knew he wasn’t the smartest man around, but seriously? This was stupid even for him. He’s breathing heavily as he tries to hold himself upright against the tree. The sirens were still going in the background and Jongdae knew they were looking for the three of them. How much had Ji-won told them? How much did he know? Was Ji-won wired? Did he get a good look at the three of them? Did the cops know  _ exactly  _ who they were looking for? 

His body stiffens as a twig behind him snaps.  _ Fuck.  _ What were the chances that it would be Chanyeol or Sehun?  _ Not likely,  _ Jongdae found himself thinking. Jongdae’s done a lot for his father, and he has his share of blood on his hands, but he’s  _ never  _ taken on an officer. His father didn’t want him getting involved with that, he usually left that for Chanyeol or Baekhyun. Jongdae didn’t have many options at the moment however, and he knew that if it came to it then he would have to go against an officer. He knew he could keep his mouth shut under interrogation, but if word got out that his father’s golden child got arrested… it wouldn’t look good for the family. 

He could try to stay still long enough, maybe, but he couldn’t be sure that that would drive the officer away. Then again, it might not even be an officer. It could be an animal-- maybe a stray cat. It goes quiet again and Jongdae lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His side meets the ground with a loud crack and he’s unable to hold back a grunt. His ears are ringing and for a second Jongdae isn’t sure if it’s from when his head met the ground or if it’s the barking and growling in his ears. Pain shoots up his leg and Jongdae bites into the back of his hand to keep himself from screaming when teeth sink into his skin. He was lucky that he only had one K-9 on him, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to take two at once. He has a gun on him, but he doesn't want to risk giving away his location. 

In a swift motion he brings his free leg up and lands a kick square on the dog’s head. He didn’t kick hard enough to seriously injure it, but enough to get it off him. The dog, in a dazed state, backs off as Jongdae jumps to his feet. It only takes seconds for regret to crash into Jongdae as he runs from the dog. Once it snapped out of its daze it would catch up to him in no time; perhaps he should have been more aggressive. He’s swearing under his breath and his lungs are screaming in his chest for him to stop, to take a break-- to let  _ air  _ into them. Ji-won was dead, he was  _ so incredibly  _ dead. 

He can hear the K-9 running behind him, trailing his every move. His foot gets caught in a loose tree root and he wants to scream as his body is thrown forward, once again slamming into the hard ground. He feels like an idiot, like every character in every horror movie that was stupid enough to trip and fall when running away from their masked pursuer. He ate dirt and it wasn’t cute. Jongdae deserved to get caught after that. He could taste the dirt and blood mixing together in his mouth as he pushed himself up. The barking and growling is once again getting closer. 

Like Jongdae predicted, the dog was back on him in seconds. Sharp teeth piercing into his side this time, it was harder for him to kick himself free. He throws a punch at the dog, though it seems to barely do anything.  _ Damn, how the hell do they train these dogs?  _ Is the only thing he can think as his eyes fill up with tears. This certainly was embarrassing; he was getting his ass handed to him by a fucking dog. A dog, of all things. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up before he’d scream or resort to using his gun and alerting every cop in the area to where he was. “Fuck me.” His father was going to kill him. 

“I think I’ll pass on the offer. Thanks for the invitation though.” Jongdae’s too tired to act surprised. Instead, he snorts to himself as Sehun steps in front of him, already taking up a fighting stance. “I didn’t think you’d let a dog take you out though.” If Jongdae wasn’t so tired he would have argued back. He supposed it did look pretty pathetic though. 

“When did you become so ballsy?” Maybe he wasn’t  _ too  _ tired to argue. 

“When you let a K-9 kick your ass.” Touché.

**_October 31, 2019_ **

**_22:45_ **

  
  


By the time Sehun had carried an injured Jongdae back home, his father had already heard of the news. Chanyeol had arrived and Baekhyun was at his side, a look of worry and frustration lacing his features. 

“It was Ji-won.” Were the words that fell from Chanyeol’s lips. Jongdae wanted to scream in his face when he told Mr. Kim, but at the end of the day he knew Chanyeol needed to tell his father. It was for the good of the family, personal feelings involved or not. Sehun had said nothing after Chanyeol’s confession and instead made himself busy with sitting Jongdae down and tending to his wounds. His shirt was ripped to shreds, along with his pants, and dark bruises had already started to spot on his skin. Baekhyun had been quiet too, and instead of anger, shock took over his expression. 

“Ji-won?” Baekhyun repeated with raised eyebrows and turned to face the taller man. “You mean…” Baekhyun didn’t need to finish his question for Chanyeol to answer.

“Yeah.” 

And that brought things to where they currently were; Jongdae watching his dad angrily pace the room with his hands on his hips while Sehun attempts to clean up all his cuts. All eyes were on Jongdae’s father as he paced. Jongdae had never seen his father so livid.  _ No, livid might be an understatement _ , Jongdae thinks anxiously. He was absolutely seething. His face was proper red and he looked only two seconds shy of popping a blood vessel. It was silent, so silent that Jongdae swore he could hear everyone’s pounding hearts. “Jongdae.” his father’s voice firm and only the slightest amount of anger seeped through.

“I know.” He breathes out. He wishes he didn’t know. The weight of the situation seems to get heavier and it makes it feel almost suffocating to Jongdae. His hand absentmindedly moves to his throat, pulling at nonexistent clothing to give him more breathing room. His Adam’s apple bobs when his father’s harsh gaze lands on him. Sehun gives him a sympathetic look.

“There was a line that he crossed. This is something that I cannot forgive, that I can’t look past.” Jongdae can hear the anger building up in his father’s voice as he speaks. “I’ve turned a blind eye one too many times for that kid.”  _ Kid? _ Jongdae tenses in his seat on the leather couch, Sehun’s movements stilling for a second only for him to snap out of his daze and continue cleaning Jongdae’s cuts. “Ji-won,” his father takes one final look at Jongdae before looking at the other three, “has to die.” Jongdae can feel his world come to a sudden halt. He knew this was coming, he knew what the look his father sent earlier meant. He knew it was building up to this and yet--

“Surely, there must be another way.” The words tumble out of his mouth before Jongdae can properly stop himself. Of course there wasn’t another way. Ji-won ratted them out, it was as simple as that. His father doesn’t bother humoring Jongdae and instead sends a very pointed look Baekhyun’s way. 

“Can you do it?” 

Baekhyun stills, if only for a moment. He wouldn’t tell Mr. Kim no, but having the blood of Minseok’s family on his hands wasn’t something he wanted to blindly jump into. Chanyeol, seeing the conflict on the boy’s face, jumps to his aid. “I’ll do it, Mr. Kim.” His voice is firm and it shows no sign of any kind of hesitance. Jongdae closes his eyes and leans back into the couch, letting out a long sigh. This was his problem, his mess. If anyone was going to take out Ji-won, to hurt Minseok in such a way… 

“I will do it.” Jongdae’s voice is scarily calm given the amount of thoughts running around inside his head. “It’s my problem. Minseok is my best friend, I am the person he leans on the most.” It sounds like he’s building a case as to why he shouldn’t be the one. “I don’t want to hurt Minseok, and by killing the only family he has left will scar him deeply. However,” he opens his eyes back up to see Chanyeol and Baekhyun gazing at him with concerned expressions, “if someone else were to cause Minseok that kind of pain… I don’t know what I’d do. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that Chanyeol or Baekhyun were the reason he’s hurting. I’d want to kill them.” His tone is harsh as he speaks, he quickly stops himself, mentally keeping himself in check. “I want to be the one to take on the burden.” No amount of flowers on Minseok’s doorstep would make up for this. 

“Is that a good idea?” Baekhyun’s voice is just above a whisper, trying to voice the concerns everyone holds. 

“If that’s what you want.” His father cuts over Baekhyun. “If that’s what you want then I won’t stop you. You’re old enough to know what you’re getting yourself into. I suggested Baekhyun so you wouldn’t have to shoulder the consequences of that.” Jongdae felt a tinge of annoyance at that suggestion. 

“So that Baekhyun would be the one to shoulder it, on top of everything else in his life?” He rarely talked back to his father, but he couldn’t seem or care to stop himself. “I would be just as guilty walking around with the knowledge that one of his close friends killed his uncle. You think if Minseok found out that Baekhyun killed him and I knew, you really think that would  _ change  _ anything? The only thing that would change would be the deep anger I’d have with Baekhyun for doing such a thing to Minseok. Trust me, this is the only way it can go.” No one was willing to argue his point even if they disagreed. 

“It needs to be done in less than twenty-four hours.” 

“I can do it.”

“You’re bleeding all over the couch.” 

“I can do it.” 

“It’ll be messy. You could get your blood on the scene.” 

“I can do it.” 

“You won’t be able to react as fast as you normally would. You’re covered in injuries.” 

“I told you I can do it.” It almost comes out as a growl. Jongdae’s patience is nearly out. 

“Very well then.” And without another word his father is gone from the room. 

**_November 1, 2019_ **

**_7:45_ **

  
  


His phone lit up with the missed calls and messages from Minseok. He'd missed their Halloween night. It was the first time he’d ever missed it, let alone without warning. He felt bad, he felt fucking awful, but what was he supposed to tell Minseok? ‘Sorry, I can’t come over tonight, I have to kill your uncle and I don’t know how to look you in the eyes right now.’ Yeah…  _ no _ , Jongdae didn’t think that would go over too well. He cards his fingers through his hair and lets out a shaky breath. Of all the people Ji-won could have pissed off, it just  _ had  _ to be his father. He thinks maybe the world is just playing a cruel joke on him. He must have been a real shit person in his past life to have been dealt the cards he was given. 

His phone startles him out of his thoughts, the screen lighting up with Minseok’s name. “Fuck.” He mutters under his breath and hesitantly picks up his phone, thumb swiping across the screen. “H-Hey.” Dammit. He wasn’t supposed to stutter. If Minseok wasn’t worried before, he’s sure he would be now. 

“Hey?” It sounds more like a question than a greeting. “Jongdae, what happened? You never showed up last night.” His voice seems to boom out of the speaker, yet it was just as gentle as it’s always been.

“Why are you up so early?” Was the only thing he could answer with. Minseok didn’t seem amused, if his answer was anything to go by. 

“How could I not be? You’ve never just not shown up before. Usually you give me a heads up if you have to cancel. I was really worried about you. I thought, ‘Is this man dead in a ditch somewhere?’ and then a hundred other thoughts. You know I worry about you.” Jongdae can feel the ghost of a smile on his lips. “I’m mad, too, so don’t think you’re off the hook simply because I’m relieved that you aren’t dead. Now that I know you’re unharmed,” Jongdae glances down at his bruised and bloodied body, “I can focus more on the fact that you  _ stood me up. _ ” Oh shit. 

“Ah, Minseok, wait-- I didn’t stand you up.” Well, he kind of did, but maybe Minseok would have understood if he knew the situation? Then again, the situation is kind of… fucked. “Something came up suddenly. Like, I’m talking super sudden.”

“So sudden that not once throughout the night you couldn’t have messaged or called me?” He could feel the annoyance running its course through Minseok, and yet, he noticed that the older still watched his wording. He didn’t  _ want  _ to be mad at Jongdae. He didn’t  _ want  _ to make him feel guilty, and yet he did, anyway. It was the way that Minseok was still so,  _ so  _ nice to him that made Jongdae feel the most uncomfortable feelings in his chest. It was always eating him alive, always creeping in the very back of his mind. He didn’t deserve Minseok. No, no one really ever deserved someone as kind as him. He didn’t know who Minseok did deserve, just not someone like him. 

His mouth is dry as he stares at his limp hands laying in his lap. He doesn’t know what to say; he never knows what to say. He licks his dry lips as his mind desperately tries to string words together in a coherent sentence. “Oh, I’m not actually mad at you.” Minseok speaks up before Jongdae can blurt out excuses. He was doing them both a favor. “But I was really worried though. Honestly, just hearing your voice makes me very happy. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m so relieved you’re okay. It was really unlike you.” Jongdae can feel his heart fluttering and weighing him down at the same time. He never understood how Minseok could do that to him. 

“I’m sorry. I should have called. Really…” There wasn’t an excuse. He feels like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. Technically, he's justified in that thought. “I,” his voice catches in his throat, “I can’t talk for long, I have… I have to do something today. Can… can we talk after?” It was unlike Jongdae to sound so unsure around Minseok and he knew the other would pick up on it. 

“Jongdae, what’s wrong?” The concern in his voice is hard to ignore now. 

“I can’t talk. I have to go.”

“But Jongdae--” The line goes dead, Jongdae quickly shoving his phone away from himself. Minseok would get over him hanging up. It wasn’t the first time he'd disappointed him and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. No, it wouldn’t be the last.

He stands outside of Ji-won’s apartment, eyes downcast as he contemplates on what exactly his plan is. He's dressed in all black and knows he looks suspicious, but there isn’t anyone around. It was a quiet day. There’s rain pouring down from the sky, Jongdae’s clothes drenched. His body felt heavy as he pulled the hood of his hoodie up to shield him from the rain. “Minseok, I’m so sorry.” A broken apology falls from his lips. He trails around the apartment, looking for a way to enter that didn’t involve the front door. He couldn’t just walk in, not that it was likely the door would be unlocked. While Ji-won was stupid, Jongdae didn’t think he was _that_ stupid. Then again… 

There. Jongdae’s eyes narrow as he looks up at the open window on the second floor. Okay, so maybe he  _ was  _ that stupid. He could scale the building, that wouldn’t be a problem. He notices that the lights are off in the apartment, and although it was a little weird, it wasn’t all that uncommon given the hour.  _ Still, it’s nearly nine in the morning… Ji-won is usually up by now.  _ He shakes his head from the thoughts that occupy his mind and begins his climb toward the open window. Truth be told, Jongdae has been here before. He knew the place like the back of his hand. It’s not that Ji-won ever invited Jongdae over, but he had stopped by enough whenever he felt like he was becoming too involved in Minseok’s life. Silent threats Jongdae would deliver to the man. Leave dead fish in his mailbox, dead rats on his doorstep, watch the man as he sleeps-- nothing that Jongdae thought was too extreme. He liked to make sure that Ji-won was staying out of Minseok’s hair. Ji-won never said anything about the  _ presents  _ Jongdae would leave him, but he knew that Ji-won knew who had left them. 

_ Something feels off _ , Jongdae can’t help but think as he climbs up the wall. He has a hand gripping onto an overgrown vine while his other hand finds a loose brick to hold on to. “Why is this apartment so shitty?” He hisses under his breath as he nearly loses his footing. He hoists himself up, his hand leaving the vine and slamming down on the windowsill. “Jesus fucking…” He lets his voice trail off as he tries to quiet himself, not wanting Ji-won or the entire neighborhood to wake up and see him not-so-sneakily climbing into a window that was most definitely not his own. It seems a little too easy the way he’s able to pull himself into the apartment. The lights were still off, and not a single sound could be heard. That was especially odd to Jongdae. Normally there would be something he could hear. Running water, snoring, a television playing in the background,  _ something _ . He slips his shoes off and leaves them by the window, not wanting to track muddy footprints all over the apartment. His hand hovers over his back pocket as he looks around, fingers brushing up against the pocketed knife. He inhales deeply to try and steady his pounding heart. Quick, this would all be relatively quick. Ji-won was no stronger than Jongdae, he wasn’t someone that he would consider a threat. He was weak and the only way he brought anyone down was by snitching on someone. That wasn’t respectable or intimidating by Jongdae’s standards. 

His eyes wander over to the kitchen counter, eyebrows pulling together in a furrow, seeing a meal sitting on the table.  _ Was he in the middle of breakfast?  _ That wouldn’t make sense. Upon stepping closer, Jongdae can see that the food is nearly untouched and a few flies are buzzing around it. “That’s from last night.” He whispers upon closer inspection. Why would he have left his dinner out? He turns back around, his gaze landing on the bedroom door that’s left ajar. A feeling of dread forms in the pit of his stomach, his hands beginning to tremble as he makes his way toward the bedroom. “Ji-won, I swear to every god I can think of,” his voice loud and clear as he approaches, not making it a point to be stealthy anymore, “if you… if you--” He lets out a scream of frustration as soon as he pushes the door open. He can see Ji-won’s body from where he stands, hanging idly from the top of his closet. 

Hot tears are forming behind his eyes as Jongdae slams his fist into the door. Every cell in his body has stopped, everything-- everything is just  _ wrong.  _ “You selfish piece of shit!” He screams and grabs a lamp from the dresser next to him, throwing it with all his might at the body. “You selfish-- you’re so selfish. You only ever think about yourself! Even in death you still manage to fuck up Minseok’s life!” His voice going hoarse from all his screaming, and at this point he knows that the neighbors can hear him. He doesn’t care though. He wants to trash the place, rip every picture from every wall, knock every piece of furniture over. He wants to let out all his building frustration, the hopelessness that makes home in his mind. He can’t though. He could never, not when he knows the cops are going to fill every inch of this house when his body is discovered. When it’s discovered… “Shit!” He slams his fist into the door again. Minseok is going to be the one to find his uncle. He has to, Jongdae can’t report this. Why the hell would Jongdae be here? What would he tell the cops? That he came to kill him but Ji-won beat him to it? 

He lets out a choked sob and sends his foot into the door, kicking it as hard as he can. He kicks it again and again and again, until he’s sure he’s broken a toe, until he can no longer feel anything. It’s not good enough though, not when Jongdae can still feel the pure anger and despair inside. This man, this man would always be the bane of Jongdae’s existence. He punches the door, ignoring the feeling of wood splintering against his fist when it gives way and cracks under his pressure. “I never asked for this life; I never wanted this! I never wanted any of this stupid fucking bullshit!” He’s nearly at his breaking point, he’s sure of it. He knows what’s going to happen after today, after Minseok finds Ji-won’s body. He knows what his dad will say, what he’ll think, what he’ll do. He knows everything. He wishes he didn’t. 

He doesn’t realize that he’s still punching the door until a sharp pain shoots through his hand. His knuckles are coated with a dark red by the time he pulls his hand back. He doesn’t know how he's supposed to deal with any of this. He just doesn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

**_November 13, 2019_ **

**_14:36_ **

  
  


Twelve days. That’s how long it took for the neighbors to report a foul smell coming from Ji-won’s apartment. Twelve days for Minseok to have the news broken to him that he's lost his only remaining relative. Twelve days for Jongdae’s father to find out that Ji-won died from his own hands, not Jongdae’s. 

His phone has been going off nonstop for the last forty minutes but Jongdae could not be bothered to answer. He knew who was calling, who was texting. He knew the shit show he would walk home to, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered when he had a sobbing and broken Minseok in his arms. “I didn’t know he was feeling that way.” Minseok chokes out, his face buried in Jongdae’s lap as they sit on Minseok’s bed. He runs his fingers through the distraught man’s hair, trying his best to comfort him in his mourning. “If I had known, I would have tried to help him.” He knew Minseok would take the death of his uncle hard, and he knew he would blame himself for it. It wasn’t anything surprising, knowing him. 

“This wasn’t your fault, Minseok. You couldn’t have known; he didn’t tell you anything. You tried to be a good influence in his life and he wouldn’t let you. There was nothing more you could have done.” He brings his free hand down to rub calming circles into Minseok’s back. He would stay by Minseok’s side as long as he needed him to. He didn’t care if hell froze over, he would not leave this man’s side. Minseok doesn’t say anything for the next few minutes, save for the muffled sniffling. 

“Jongdae,” his voice is nearly gone as he pushes himself to sit up, “can you make me a promise?” Jongdae watches as Minseok carefully and slowly pulls away before sitting still. His hands are placed on the mattress in front of him to help him keep his balance. Jongdae stays silent, waiting for the other to continue. Minseok was rarely this vulnerable, this open about his feelings. He hated bothering Jongdae, he absolutely loathed it when he thought he would worry about him. This entire display of emotions was rare; Jongdae didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing and scare him off in a situation so delicate. “Will you promise me that you’ll never leave me?” It’s not what he was expecting him to say, and Jongdae can feel himself still. His brain blue screens momentarily before he's rudely brought back to earth by Minseok’s face scrunching up, more tears threatening to spill from his bloodshot eyes.

“Yes, yes!” He's too eager to answer. “Of course, I’ll always be here for you. I promise you, Minseok.” He tries to calm himself down even if Minseok wouldn’t notice him jumping to answer in his current state. “There’s nothing in the world you could do that would make me leave you. Nothing.” His words are more sincere and for the first time in what feels like ages, a small smile forms on Minseok’s lips. 

“I know.” He breathes out. He reaches forward, climbing into Jongdae’s lap. His arms wrap around his neck tightly and he buries his face into the crook of Jongdae’s neck. He breathes in his scent, feeling himself relax slightly. “I just wanted to hear you say it.” Jongdae’s stiff in his hold, though eventually his body relaxes. He hates the way his heart is pounding against his chest. He moves away after a moment and with shaky hands wipes the remaining tears from his eyes. “It’s nice to hear it every now and then.”

“Do I not say it enough?” Jongdae asks without missing a beat. “Would you like me to say it more?” Minseok laughs weakly at his questions. 

“I only want you to say it when you mean it.” His answer is simple enough and it makes Jongdae frown. “Otherwise, you’ll just be saying it to say it.” He’ll always mean it, is what he wants to tell Minseok, but the words die on his tongue. For a fleeting moment the two sit in silence before Minseok moves to lay down on his bed. “Jongdae, will you lay with me?” The question, an innocent one, yet it still manages to turn the tips of Jongdae’s ears a brilliant shade of red. He does what Minseok asks despite his state, positioning himself so that he’s lying down next to the other. “I’m alone now.” 

“I’m right here with you.” They’re both on their backs as they stare up at the stained, old ceiling. The familiar burning is back behind Minseok’s eyes again as he blinks away the tears. 

“I don’t have a single family member left. I’m alone.” He says it again, even though Jongdae’s presence is a warm one beside him. “What do I do now?” He turns his head so that he’s looking at Jongdae. His eyes search his face as if he were the one holding all the answers. 

“Do what you’ve always done.” He didn’t think it was bad advice to give. Ji-won was never a present figure in his life; Minseok just needed to do what he always did. He was gone half the time anyway, the only difference was that he could no longer pop up to fake a relationship with Minseok in order to squeeze every last cent out of him. He almost snorts to himself. “You can get through this. I know you can.” He feels Minseok’s fingers brush against the back of his hand and he swears he can feel electricity run through him. He inhales silently as he turns his hand over, letting Minseok intertwine their fingers together. 

“I’ll get through it as long as you’re by my side.” His words are the sincerest Jongdae’s ever heard. “With you, I feel like I can do anything.” There’s a wide smile stretching Minseok’s lips and Jongdae swears it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Minseok pauses for a moment before turning on his side so he can face the other. “Promise me that you’ll be around forever.”

“Forever?” 

“Forever. I think I’ll be okay as long as you’re with me.” Jongdae feels shy under Minseok’s gaze. 

He’s never going to let anyone hurt Minseok. “Then I’ll be around forever.” 

**_November 15, 2019_ **

**_11:20_ **

  
  


Jongdae was right; he walked into a shit storm the second he opened his front door. “Where were you?” His father’s voice booms across the household, Jongdae carefully dropping his bag on the floor. Baekhyun was already there, along with Chanyeol and Sehun as well as some of the other men who worked under his family. All eyes are on him and he wishes the ground would open up and eat him where he stands. “You said you killed Ji-won.” His father growls as he walks into the living room.

“I never said I killed him. I told you he was dead. Was I wrong?” Technically, Jongdae wasn’t lying. He never told his father that he killed him, he simply returned home stating that Ji-won was dead. It was vague and now his father saw the double meaning of it. “What’s the problem, huh? He’s dead, so everything is taken care of. Ji-won crossed you and now he’s dead.” 

“Ji-won crossed  _ us,  _ Jongdae. You’re a part of this family too, or have you forgotten that?” Jongdae bows his head slightly, eyes downcast as he stays quiet. “He killed himself, Jongdae; do you have any idea how that makes us look? The piece of shit killed himself before we could get to him. That’s embarrassing, and then to let me walk around believing  _ we  _ were the ones responsible for his death? How low do you think of me?” He remains silent, knowing better than to try and interrupt his father when he's in the middle of venting. “And then,” he can hear the anger in his father’s voice as he tries to keep it steady, “as soon as we find out, you run off for two days, Jongdae. Two fucking days. You were with his  _ nephew _ , weren’t you?” Jongdae flinches from the wording his father uses. He can feel Sehun’s eyes on him as he stands still, trying to come up with a plan in his head. His father lets out a scoff when Jongdae once again doesn’t have anything to say. “Figures. You decided to embarrass the family and then spend time with the kid who caused it.” 

Jongdae can feel his patience running thin.

“Who caused it?” His head snaps up when voicing the accusation. He can see the warning look Baekhyun’s sending him, but he chooses to ignore it. “Minseok didn’t do anything wrong. Ji-won is a piece of shit, not him. He didn’t ask for any of this-- he doesn’t even  _ know  _ about any of this!” In all his years of living, not once has Jongdae raised his voice to his father. He respects him too much and they both have a similar way of thinking. This time, however… 

“You think that matters? Minseok doesn’t need to know about any of this for it to be a problem. His uncle ruined our name.” 

“Ruined our name?” This time it’s Jongdae who’s scoffing. “A tad dramatic, don’t you think?” He sees his father’s eyebrow twitching in frustration. He's becoming dangerously annoyed. 

“That rat snitched on us to the cops. He had officers swarming our warehouse. Our shipments were compromised and if I hadn’t been able to bribe the sheriff then we would have been royally fucked. Not to mention that Ji-won was the reason you were covered in bruises from the hounds that attacked you.” 

“Oh, the hounds? It’s funny how you suddenly care about me when it’s for your benefit.” The room is filled with silence and tension as the two heatedly stare each other down. 

“Kim Jongdae.” He’s warning him.

“Father.” Jongdae doesn’t care.

“How do you suppose we fix this?” There it is, the question Jongdae has been dreading this entire time. “We have to fix our reputation somehow.” This time he pulls his loaded gaze away from his son and moves it to Sehun. Jongdae stands a bit straighter and moves in between them, effectively standing in front of Sehun. “I’m speaking to Sehun, not you.” His father barely looks down at the man before bringing his attention back to the teenager. “Sehun, what do you think? With you being our newest addition, I think now more than ever is a great time for you to be of use to us.” 

“Mr. Kim, with all due respect--” Baekhyun starts but is immediately silenced when his father sends a pointed look in his direction. 

“If you have any respect, you’ll keep your mouth shut then.” His father orders and Chanyeol takes a protective step in front of Baekhyun. He shakes his head though, and has Chanyeol move back to his side. “Sehun?” 

“Uh,” his mouth dry as everyone’s gaze turns to him, “h-how do we fix this?” Jongdae’s father only sighs and shakes his head in disappointment. 

“I didn’t ask you to restate my question, but if you need assistance then I will lend it to you. There is only one obvious way to fix our reputation.” Sehun can feel himself break into a cold sweat when the attention is brought back to him. “Think carefully.” Another verbal warning. 

“I-I,” the words die in his throat as Sehun catches the murderous glare from Mr. Kim, “t-to-- you want us to k-kill Minseok?” He trips over his words as the color drains from his face. “M-Mr. Kim--” His father’s already rounding on Sehun when Chanyeol steps in between.

“Sir,” his voice is level as he looks at his boss, “is that necessary? Ji-won is already dead, and Minseok knows nothing about this or his uncle. What is the point in killing him too? Sir, not many people even  _ know  _ who Minseok is.” The words cut Jongdae deep, but he knows Chanyeol's just trying to diffuse the situation. He knows he's trying to help in his own way. “And Sehun is just a kid, you can’t expect him to speak about murdering his friend without stumbling over his words.”

“If he can’t handle it then he should have never joined. This isn’t a place for children.” He’s seething. “Sehun, do I need to get rid of you too?” Baekhyun’s involved now as well, making sure Sehun is a good distance away from the man. “Because I don’t mind dumping another body. I can dump you both together.” 

“Father.” Jongdae’s voice is firm as he takes in the situation. “You will threaten Sehun no longer. Why are you doing this to him? If your anger is because of me, direct it at me, not him.” Jongdae does his best to stand tall against his father, trying to hide his obvious discomfort. 

“Who are you to give me such commands?” His father takes a step toward Jongdae, staring him down like his prey. At this point, Jongdae might as well have been his prey. “Minseok is to die.” Jongdae freezes where he stands as he hears the words he always dreaded to hear. The room is as silent as it’s ever been, the only thing heard is the sharp inhale of breath from Baekhyun. “If you want you can do it. If not, I’ll do it, but it needs to be done before Christmas.”

“No.” Jongdae wants to say more, but his brain is failing him. He can’t think of anything coherent and his tongue feels suspiciously heavy in his mouth. In all his time of living, Jongdae has never once lost composure in front of any of his friends. He refused to do that, and he still does, but he can only handle so much at once. 

“We have no choice.” His father tries to reason with his distraught son. 

“We do. We always have a choice.” 

“I’m afraid that this time we ultimately do not.” 

“Minseok doesn’t know anything.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“You heard Chanyeol-- not many people even know who he is. No one would even know Ji-won was his uncle.” Jongdae’s voice is growing more and more desperate as he tries to talk his father out of this. He knows it’s futile. 

His father reaches out to him, placing his hand on his shoulder in a way that's meant to comfort him. He squeezes slightly, looking down at his son. “Jongdae, you know this is what has to be done.” Jongdae rips himself out of his father’s hold, vision becoming blurred as he takes a step back. 

“Don’t,” his voice wavers as he holds back the tears that are screaming to fall, “don’t you fucking touch me.” There’s so much resentment in his voice, so much anger, that he sounds foreign even to himself. 

Baekhyun watches with worry as Jongdae storms out of the house. 


	5. Chapter 5

**_November 26, 2019_ **

**_3:28_ **

  
  


Jongdae’s sitting on the roof of his house as he stares out into nothingness. Christmas. He was meant to kill Minseok before Christmas. Minseok, the person he cared for most in this world-- how was he meant to look him in the eyes? How was he even supposed to kill him? Jongdae doesn’t think he’s capable, but whenever he thinks of someone else doing it for him he goes blind with rage. He doesn’t want to imagine Minseok alone and scared, crying out for Jongdae while he gets attacked. It made his blood boil, it made everything in him want to lash out at the world. Everything was messed up and he doesn’t know what to do about anything. He usually has an answer, a plan, but right now he was just blank. 

He lets out a frustrated sigh as he leans his weight back onto his arms, looking up at the starry sky above him. He hasn’t seen Minseok much over the last couple of days and the guilt is eating him alive. He had just promised him that he’d always be around, never leave his side, and now he can’t even show up to his apartment. What kind of piece of shit was he? The worst kind. 

“How are you not cold?” A soft voice comes from behind him and Jongdae startles. He can’t believe he didn’t sense someone behind him. He was letting his guard down too much these days. “Sitting out here at three in the morning without a jacket on; it’s like you want to get hypothermia.” He pauses before asking, “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Maybe I do.” Jongdae states as he watches Baekhyun take a seat next to him. “I fucked up, Baek.” The silver-haired man didn’t come out here to scold him and Jongdae already knows that. Still, if he was going to offer him company then Jongdae would vent to him regardless if he wanted it or not. “I fucked up royally. I should have never given in to Sehun’s whining. If I told him no from the start and stuck with it, he wouldn’t be under this kind of pressure.” His lips press into a thin line as he continues to stare out into the empty streets. Snow was starting to fall from the sky in flurries. “If I had just,” he closes his eyes at the feeling of the first snowflake landing on his nose, “if I just disposed of Ji-won’s body then this wouldn’t be happening. Why didn’t I do that? Why didn’t I just get rid of his body?” 

“Because,” Baekhyun shifts so that he’s sitting closer to Jongdae’s side, “he had just busted a mafia to the police. If he went missing without a trace, it would have been highly suspicious, don’t you think?” He tilts his head as he asks Jongdae, a small smile on his lips. Jongdae doesn’t know how he can smile. 

“They would have no grounds to charge us on anything. Ji-won would be missing and that would be it. He ratted out a mafia boss and disappeared. People would think he was either whacked or he left town at the first opportunity. No one would be surprised regardless.” He’s pulling at his fingers as he thinks over the things he could have done. “My dad would think Ji-won’s dead and everything would be okay. Minseok would think his piece of shit uncle just dipped again and he wouldn’t be mourning. But no, I left this mess, this huge mess that’s getting everyone dirty and now he has to know his last relative is dead instead of just thinking he’s being his normal piece of shit self, at least he wouldn’t think he’s absolutely alone in this world.” He’s glad Baekhyun’s just letting him speak his mind and not adding his own take on things. 

“But no, I left his body hanging in his closet for the neighbors to smell and police to see. I left everything right there. You would think I wanted Minseok to get killed at this point.” It hurt him just to say that. He hated himself so much that he didn’t think anyone else would be able to hate him half as much. He wished it was him instead of Minseok. He would die over and over again for him if he had to. Unfortunately, it was unlikely his father would kill Jongdae in his place. It’s silent again and Jongdae’s thoughts crowd his mind and make it hard to breathe. 

“This isn’t your fault and it’s not Minseok’s either.” Baekhyun brings his knees to his chest and rests his chin on top. He watches the empty streets with Jongdae. “You couldn’t have predicted this. No one wants this to happen, not even your father.”

Jongdae scoffs at this. “He has a funny way of showing it.”

Baekhyun chews on the inside of his cheek. “You can’t keep avoiding Minseok, you’ll only end up making things worse. You don’t want him to grow suspicious, do you?” 

“Suspicious of what?” His voice is tired. He’s tired. “He worries about me all the time already. Me talking to him won’t change anything.”

“He needs you there with him.” 

“I’m supposed to kill him.”

More silence. It turns out it’s hard to comfort someone when they have to murder a loved one. Jongdae and his father have not spoken since their last conversation, and as of now, no roles have been assigned to anyone. Jongdae didn’t know if he was the one going to kill Minseok, or if his father had plans for someone else to do it. He didn’t know anything. 

“I heard him talking with Junmyeon earlier.” Baekhyun whispers it so softly that Jongdae isn’t sure if he was meant to hear that. “About what to do with Minseok.” Jongdae closes his eyes once again and lets out a long sigh. Kim Junmyeon was his father’s right hand man. Everything he did he ran by Junmyeon and vice versa. He would make sure that everything was done properly and followed to schedule. It gave Jongdae the absolute worst feeling to know that Junmyeon and his father were talking about Minseok. 

“I’ll kill Junmyeon myself if he even touches a hair on his head.” 

“Unfortunately, I didn’t hear most of the conversation. I only know that your father is becoming impatient about the situation. Curious though, isn’t it? Your father is hardly the type to become restless.” 

“Minseok is supposed to be a family friend.” The words feel bitter in his mouth. “Who kills their own family? That’s the exact opposite of what we stand for. Minseok hasn’t done anything to deserve this outcome.” Jongdae runs his fingers through his hair and glances at the man beside him. “Do you agree with him?”

“Who, dear?” Baekhyun’s pulling at a loose string on his sleeve. 

“My father. Do you agree with my father?” 

“I don’t.” Baekhyun doesn’t hesitate like Jongdae suspects he would. “I don’t think Minseok should die. It seems unfair.”  _ Very unfair,  _ Jongdae dully thinks. “But I don’t get to make the rules; I don’t get to decide what is and isn’t fair. All I can do is follow the orders that are handed down to me. That’s it.” He wonders for a moment if Baekhyun would kill Minseok if his father asked him to. He wouldn’t have much of a choice and Jongdae knew that. “You can be easy to read sometimes.” Baekhyun pulls Jongdae out of his thoughts. “Your father hasn’t spoken to me at all about him, I don’t even think he wants me on the job. He must have someone else in mind. Maybe Chanyeol, maybe Junmyeon, maybe you. It’s hard to tell.” 

His father’s pissed at him and he knows this. He won’t be shocked if he plans on asking Junmyeon to kill Minseok just to get back at him. “What should I do?” Is the question that leaves Jongdae. Baekhyun turns and looks at him, eyebrows furrowed together as if he were in deep thought. 

“Is there anything for you to do at this point?” 

“Should I move Minseok out of his home?” 

Baekhyun scoffs and Jongdae knows it’s a stupid question. “And tell him what? Why would Minseok leave his apartment? Where would you put him? How would you explain any of  _ this _ ,” Baekhyun waves his hand as if to gesture at what  _ this  _ really was, “to him?” He was right. 

“I’m just trying to think of anything at this point.”

“That’s okay, just don’t go overboard. Do you really want to bust Minseok out of here and then be on the run from your father for the rest of your lives? You of all people should know by now how your father plays. It’s a death wish. He’d find you.” It’s a thought to consider. “You have some time. Just take it day by day.” 

Jongdae doesn’t have enough time.

**_November 26, 2019_ **

**_6:01_ **

  
  


Jongdae quietly pushes his front door open, hoping he wouldn’t run into his father. It was too early and he was too tired to deal with him. He just wants to go to sleep and turn off his brain. As Jongdae’s luck would have it, the door opens the exact moment he starts to walk down the hall. He plans on ignoring it until he hears a familiar voice from behind. “You did great out there, Sehun. I have to say, I’m quite impressed.” 

Jongdae feels his eye twitch in irritation. He turns around to see Junmyeon with his hand on Sehun’s shoulder, smiling down at him as if he were a proud father. Jongdae wants to punch him in the face. “What are you doing with Sehun?” He tries to mask the annoyance in his voice as he approaches the pair. “Are you training with him now?” He tries to sound indifferent, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Your father suggested that Sehun get more training in.” Junmyeon responds coolly, his hand still on Sehun’s shoulder. The youngest of the group seems to notice the sudden tension in the air as he shifts awkwardly under his hand. “I thought it was a wonderful idea, don’t you agree, Sehun?” Junmyeon looks up when he asks Sehun since he is, ironically, the tallest in the room. Sehun simply shrugs his shoulders in response, not wanting to get involved in whatever was taking place.

“Then he should have told me. I’m the one who watches over Sehun, not you. I told everyone he’d be my responsibility. I don’t want him training under you.” There’s a smirk on Junmyeon’s lips as Jongdae talks and it’s starting to drive him insane. The two have never liked each other for their own reasons, but they’ve never been so up front about it. 

“You don’t like it?” He’s mocking him, he doesn’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. “Well, maybe you should take it up with your father. After all, he’s the one who gives out the orders, not you.” There it is, an angelic smile on Junmyeon’s lips as he stares at Jongdae, waiting for a response. 

“Can’t I just train with both of you?” Sehun’s voice is soft as he speaks, eyes shifting between the two men. 

“Would you like to know what we did today?” Junmyeon asks instead, ignoring Sehun’s suggestion. He doesn’t give Jongdae a chance to answer. “We took on a job, had to tie up some loose ends. Do you remember the couple who owed your father money? The ones who coincidentally never had the money whenever we’d go to check in on them?” He doesn’t like where this is going. “Your father suggested we pay another visit this morning.” Jongdae knows that isn’t where the story ends, but it seems like Junmyeon is baiting him into asking for more. It works. 

“And?”

“Your father made it clear that if they didn’t have the money then we get rid of them. Turns out they didn’t have the money, but was anyone surprised?” The smile is still on his lips as he speaks. “It was the first time Sehun killed someone, I wish you would have seen it.” Sehun glances at Jongdae anxiously, shifting on his feet. “With the way he handled it, why, I almost thought he had done it before!” His eyes widen for a brief moment before he quickly masks it, though Junmyeon immediately notices it. His smile is wider. “I think you made a great call with this one. Sehun will be a great asset to this family.” Sehun blushes ever so slightly from the praise and Jongdae thinks he can see spots in his vision. 

“You had him kill someone?” Anger is seeping out of him but the man seems unfazed. “How could you do that without running it by me? Did you inform Chanyeol or Baekhyun about this job? Oh Sehun is my responsibility; I am the one who is supposed to be teaching him these things, not you. What if something happened to him? Would you be willing to take that responsibility?” Sehun looks mildly offended from Jongdae’s interrogation but stays silent. 

“Responsibility? We aren’t his parents. If he dies then he dies, but I can’t just have him sitting around being useless. He’d have to kill someone sooner or later anyway, so why not make it sooner? We can’t have him freeze up from fear in the middle of a job, can we?” Junmyeon brings a hand down on Sehun’s back as he speaks, the younger flinching ever so slightly. “You coddle him too much, Jongdae. It’s not healthy for him, or you, for that matter.”  _ That condescending _ \-- “Well, I have to go now. It was lovely seeing you again, Jongdae.” And with that he’s gone from the room, leaving Jongdae and Sehun standing silently. 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol perk up from the bench they're sitting on when Sehun and Jongdae walk into the courtyard. “You’re late.” Baekhyun says with a scowl on his face, but his voice holds no annoyance. Jongdae doesn’t answer and watches as Sehun walks over to the pair. Baekhyun instantly picks up on the tension but decides to go against saying anything. “Did either of you get enough sleep?” He sends Jongdae a knowing look, knowing Jongdae had just arrived back from their chat. 

“He just came back from a mission.” Jongdae doesn’t try to hide his agitation. “Junmyeon had him do a lot, so I’m sure he’s tired.” 

“Jongdae,” Sehun sighs and Chanyeol gives a curious look, “I’m fine. What did you want to meet up for?” 

“Hmm, I’m almost more curious to hear what’s been going on with the two of you.” Jongdae ignores the other and decides to sit in the grass across from the two. He looks bored, sitting criss-crossed and plops his elbow on his knee so he can rest his chin on the back of his hand. A sigh leaves Chanyeol who glances at Baekhyun. The silver-haired man offers nothing in response, eyes shifting from Jongdae to Sehun’s standing figure. 

“Are you sitting with us or with Jongdae?” Baekhyun asks. 

“I’ll just stand right here.” The two raise an eyebrow at his statement, but shrug it off afterwards. 

“Alright, well, we thought we should start talking about this Minseok situation.” Unsurprisingly Jongdae tenses at the topic but stays silent. “Your father is growing impatient; it won’t be long before he orders someone to do it if you aren’t willing to.” Chanyeol has a deep frown on his lips as he gazes down at Jongdae as he speaks. 

“He said before Christmas.” Jongdae reminds the taller softly. 

“He did, but he won’t wait that long and you know that. Did you tell your father you would do it?” Jongdae thinks for a moment at Chanyeol’s question. He danced around the question many times, as well as the conversation with his father. He indirectly said he’d take care of Minseok, but he never really confirmed anything; he was still thinking of what to do. Baekhyun and Chanyeol exchange looks once again before the taller of the two lets out a loud sigh. 

“Your father already decided who he was going to send out.” This catches the attention of both Sehun and Jongdae, the men looking at Chanyeol with wide eyes. “We thought you might want us to tell you before he tells you himself.” Jongdae’s eyes narrow suspiciously as he leans forward, gaze boring into the two men sitting. “He’s going to send you and Sehun.” Chanyeol watches as realization dawns on him, eyes widening before returning to their normal size. His face was pale and he thought Jongdae might be sweating. “His mind is already made up. Unfortunately, there’s no talking him out of this. Baekhyun and I overheard him talking about it with Junmyeon.” 

Jongdae swears loudly and stands. “When did you hear them talking about this?” He already knows the answer. If he was right, his father included Sehun just to piss him off, especially when Jongdae wouldn’t be able to do much about it. It would explain why Junmyeon has taken a sudden interest in Sehun’s training. Everything was starting to slowly piece themselves together. 

“Some time yesterday.” This time it’s Baekhyun who speaks up. “We were passing by after we…” Baekhyun’s voice trails off and there’s a slight pink dusting his cheeks. 

“We had just finished training, and as we passed by we could hear them talking. You know it’s hard for Baekhyun not to eavesdrop. It seems to be his specialty.” Baekhyun’s eyes narrow and he sends his elbow into Chanyeol’s ribs. 

“I recall you being the one stopping outside his door and saying we should listen to what they say because  _ you  _ heard Minseok’s name mentioned.” Baekhyun huffs out in annoyance. “I can’t believe you’re trying to put all the blame on me. I know better than to eavesdrop on Mr. Kim. You think I want to die?”

“Yet you were eavesdropping on Mr. Kim with me!” Chanyeol retorts with his hands on his hips. Jongdae and Sehun look at each other with raised eyebrows. They didn’t want to know. It did, however, appear that Jongdae was right with his suspicions. He knew it couldn’t have been a coincidence that Junmyeon was suddenly interested in Sehun, and now he knows why. How could his father expect Sehun to kill Minseok? Jongdae doesn’t think he could kill a stranger, let alone a close friend, but if what Junmyeon said earlier held any kind of truth… 

“Did you hear anything else? Like when he would want us to go?” Baekhyun and Chanyeol are pulled from their argument when Jongdae reminds them that they aren’t alone. 

“Uh,” Chanyeol taps on his chin and leans back into the bench, “no. I don’t believe he actually said a date. That’s probably something he plans on discussing with the two of you.” He gives an apologetic smile when Jongdae groans out of frustration. He glances over at the younger who’s wearing a poker face. If he’s nervous then Jongdae can’t tell. “He never said in the conversation when he planned on talking with you. Could be today, tomorrow, in a few weeks. It’s hard to tell.” He says with a simple shrug of his shoulders.  _ Of course, he never makes it easy,  _ Jongdae thinks with a sigh. 

“Thanks. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” He waves them off as he throws his arm around Sehun’s shoulders, guiding him out of the courtyard. “I’ll see the two of you later. Try to stay out of trouble; I don’t want to hear about how my father killed the two of you for eavesdropping again.” He looks back and flashes a mischievous smirk when seeing pink on Chanyeol’s cheeks as well. 

“That was gross.” Sehun says once they’re out of earshot. “I didn’t need to see Baekhyun blush. I think I lost a couple years off my lifespan.” Jongdae snorts loudly but keeps his grip on him. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae looks around quickly before continuing, “you need to stay away from Junmyeon. He’s no good.” 

“And you are?” Sehun’s question throws Jongdae off. “Junmyeon seems nice, he’s taken me out on a few jobs already. Today was the first time where it resulted in death, but he warned me beforehand that it might turn out that way.” Jongdae glances at him as he speaks, completely unbothered by his job from earlier in the morning. It doesn’t sit well with Jongdae, not one bit. Even if Junmyeon had good intentions with Sehun, it still doesn’t sit well with him that he’s only taking Sehun so he could eventually kill Minseok. Did Sehun not have a problem with that? 

“Do you not see why he’s taking you out? Why he has a sudden interest in you?” He can’t stop himself from asking the question. Sehun shoots him a curious glance but doesn’t stop. “He’s training you to kill Minseok.” 

“Last time I checked, I wasn’t shooting at targets with Minseok’s face stapled to them.” Jongdae sighs and moves his arm from his shoulders. “If your father assigns us to kill Minseok,” he stops himself as if he was thinking carefully of what words to say, “what will you do?” That was a good question. What would he do? Jongdae wasn’t sure himself. He never once dreamed of disobeying an order from his father before these last few days. He never imagined himself in that situation. What would he say? What would he do? Would he cry-- he didn’t think he would, but now he was unsure. It was rare in the event that he’d actually cry in  _ front  _ of someone, but he’s also never been asked to kill arguably his only friend. 

“I don’t know.” He breathes out. It was honest; he didn’t think he needed to explain himself. “What about you, Sehun? If my father asks you to kill Minseok, what would you do?” This time it was Sehun’s turn to think. 

“It’s hard to imagine what I’d do until I’m in that situation. If your father asks me, I don’t have much of a choice though, do I?” He cocks his head to the side and looks at Jongdae with a quizzical expression. “I can’t imagine you’d have much of a choice either. Maybe it’s a good thing that Junmyeon’s taking me out to train. I’d rather be prepared than caught off guard.” Jongdae doesn’t like the way those words settle into him. He feels bitter, almost. 

“Caught off guard from what?”

Sehun just looks at him as if he grew a second head. “You really,” Sehun stuffs his hands into his pant pockets, something he does when he’s nervous, Jongdae dully notes, “you really don’t think I’d tell your father no, do you?” Ah, what a mess. He really should’ve expected that kind of response. Of course Sehun, the newest and youngest addition to the family, wouldn’t be able to say no. Not even someone of his own presence would be at liberty to refuse an order from his father. “If it means anything, I’m really sorry.”  _ It doesn’t,  _ Jongdae lamely thinks to himself. Sehun only shrugs from Jongdae’s lack of response. “Well, I have to go. If your father plans on calling me into his office, I’ll feel a little more comfortable knowing that I’ve put in more hours training. I’ll see you around.” He begins to walk away before pausing, looking back over his shoulder, “I hope I don’t see you around, I guess.” 

Jongdae only lets out another sigh as he watches the younger stroll off. He would make sure to pray to every god that Sehun wouldn’t get roped into the feud with his father. 

**_December 1, 2019_ **

**_14:30_ **

  
  


It seems that Jongdae didn’t pray hard enough. He and Sehun stand awkwardly cramped in his father’s office. With the library being such a large room, he found it hard to understand why he and Sehun were standing in such close proximity to one another. It must’ve been from nerves. He gives the man a once over, taking in his appearance. Sehun was serious when he last spoke with Jongdae, telling the older male that he’d get in as much training as possible before his father were to summon him. He was a little more muscular than before, and stood with such a straight posture that Jongdae had a hard time looking up at him.

He looks exhausted too, he can only imagine how much Junmyeon has been putting him through the last few days.  _ Definitely looks like there’s a stick up his ass, just like Junmyeon.  _ His thoughts are stolen from him when his father clears his throat. “I’m sure you can both imagine why you’re in here on this fine day.” Jongdae can feel his eyebrow begin to twitch out of irritation already. This would be a long meeting. “I think I let things go on for long enough.” He lets out a long sigh as he leans back into his leather chair, fingertips drumming along the surface of his wooden desk. “It’s already December and Minseok is still alive. I want him dead by Christmas, and I think I made that clear the first time. The both of you are tasked with killing him. I don’t care how,” his eyes meet Jongdae’s, “I just want it taken care of. Because I know this isn’t an easy task for either of you, I already went ahead and made a plan for you.” His father looks over to Sehun who is standing as still and quiet as possible. Once he assures himself both men are listening, he continues. “Every year we hold a lavish Christmas party, and every year Minseok is invited. It will be no different this time. I will make sure he’s sent an invitation. Once he’s arrived I will leave it up to the two of you. Do whatever you must. I will be out of town for a business arrangement, so unfortunately I won’t be here to help.”  _ Unfortunately.  _ Jongdae wants to scoff. “This year, Minseok will be the only one invited who isn’t in the family; it’s to help with the risk of any possible witnesses. My advice would be to get Minseok comfortable and alone. If he panics in a room full of people, it might become a little chaotic for the two of you. I assume you both want it as painless as possible. Be smart about this.” Before Jongdae can open his mouth to retort or protest, his father waves them off, officially dismissing them. “Be gone.” 

Jongdae closes his eyes and leans against the wall of the hallway the moment he exits the family library. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, bringing his hands up to shield his face from the rest of the world. He’s acutely aware of Sehun’s presence and the lingering gaze that stays on him. 

“The Christmas party,” Sehun breaks the silence, leaning against the wall across from him, “he wants us to do it when everyone is there. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Junmyeon… kind of fucked up.” It is, Jongdae agrees. 

“Junmyeon won’t be there. He’ll most likely be with my father on his business trip.” He moves his hands away from his face, but refuses to meet eyes with Sehun. “He probably won’t want us to tell the others. They’d probably try to stop us.” His mouth feels dry. “Or should we tell them? I don’t even know what to do anymore.” Sehun sends him a look and Jongdae stiffens. Did he say that part out loud?

“We should tell them. If something goes wrong or if Minseok slips out of our grasp, unlikely though, it would be good to have the others there as backup. Your father made it clear that he doesn’t want Minseok alive following the party. It would be in our best interest that we get it taken care of as fast as possible. Maybe at the start of the party, that way you and everyone else can relax the rest of the night.”

“Relax the rest of the night?” Jongdae looks up at Sehun for the first time that day. “Are you out of your mind? Do you think anyone would be in the mood to party after that? Do you think  _ you’d  _ be in the mood to party after that?” Sehun thinks over his words carefully, his eyebrows drawn together as his gaze drifts up towards the ceiling. “Sehun, think about this long and hard, because you don’t seem to understand the gravity of the situation. We are ordered to murder one of our closest friends. It will be bloody, messy, painful, emotional,” his breath hitches and he nearly forces himself to stop, “it will haunt you,  _ us,  _ for the rest of our lives. Every time we close our eyes, every time we lay down at night, we will think about it.”

“I suppose not.” 

Jongdae doesn’t know what to make of Sehun’s short answer. He knew Sehun and Minseok were friends, and at one time he even looked up to Minseok, but he wasn’t sure where they stood now. They hadn’t talked much since he joined Jongdae’s family, and Minseok didn’t seem to have put much effort into reaching out to the boy either. Maybe they were just naturally drifting apart; he wasn’t sure. Still, it’s hard to think that Sehun wouldn’t be upset by the thought of Minseok dying, let alone because of them. He really regrets caving in to Sehun’s persistence. Nothing could fix this, no one could help Jongdae or give him advice-- no, everything was fucked. Royally fucked and he was starting to think that there was no way out this time. The world must be laughing at him right now. He doesn’t really blame it. 


	6. Chapter 6

**_December 6, 2019_ **

**_15:45_ **

  
  


He stands in front of Minseok’s apartment door, hair sticking to his face as rain pours down sideways. The rumbling of thunder can barely be heard over the rain. He’s been standing outside of Minseok’s apartment for what feels like hours now, when realistically it’s only been five minutes. He didn’t know what to say. How could he be around Minseok without acting like things were different? Yet here he was, standing at his door, contemplating on whether or not he should knock and keep the boy company. If he has any shred of dignity he would turn around and go home now. 

He’s about to, he swears, but as if the universe could hear him silently begging, faint shuffling can be heard from the other side and the door unlocks before cracking open ever so slightly. “Jongdae?” His voice is soft and hushed and his two round eyes poke out from behind the door curiously. “What are you doing out here? You’re drenched.” Jongdae opens his mouth but finds himself at a loss for words. So instead he swallows anxiously and continues to stand on his front steps looking like a drowned rat. It was all pathetic, really. The door opens wider and Minseok steps to the side. “Come in. I was just about to make hot chocolate. I’ll make you a glass too.” Minseok watches silently as he steps inside and hovers around the now closed front door. He stands on the doormat, not wanting to track water and mud everywhere. 

_ Does it even matter if I start acting considerate now?  _

“Let me grab you some dry clothes and a towel.” His voice is hesitant, as if Minseok thinks he needs to walk on eggshells around him. He’s not wrong for thinking like that. 

“I’m okay.” He finally speaks up, eyes shifting over to Minseok before looking back down at his feet. He truly felt pitiful. Why did he bother putting up with him? How did he do it for all these years? Jongdae would have ditched himself by now if that had ever been an option. Minseok… this kid was too patient for his own good. 

“Nonsense.” His eyes narrow slightly before he turns and heads down the hall, disappearing from Jongdae’s line of sight. He can hear the other digging around for a towel in the hall bathroom and he feels his cheeks flush slightly. He emerges from the hall only a minute later, a fluffy blue towel in his arms. “Dry your hair off a little while I look for some clothes. You’re going to get sick just standing around like this. Why were you even outside in this weather? You’re so reckless sometimes.” He’s scolding him like he normally does when he’s worried. Jongdae always found that endearing. He doesn’t even wait for Jongdae to answer, he just turns back around and heads in the direction of his bedroom. He takes the time to look around the small homey apartment, the walls littered with photographs of him and his friends, his parents, childhood photos, diplomas, etc. His eyes land on a picture of the two of them from one of Jongdae’s many Christmas parties. A sigh leaves his lips and he finds himself moving closer to the picture hung up on the wall. His eyes scan over the image, Minseok’s lips formed a shy smile and his own stretched out a little too wide for his liking. He couldn’t look more like he was on cloud nine even if he tried. He pulls his gaze from the photograph and instead turns his attention to Minseok’s kitchen. It was small and cramped if more than one person was in there at a time, but it’s somehow charming. Like Minseok stated earlier, a mug of warm milk sat on the counter with hot chocolate mix next to it. He felt bad for interrupting Minseok’s quiet night in, but then again, when wasn’t he bothering the man? He should take the opportunity to leave now before Minseok comes back with clothes. 

“I thought I told you to dry off.”  _ Dammit.  _ “Instead, you’ve managed to track water all over my living room.” Minseok’s eyes are narrowed, but he’s not angry. His voice displayed no anger as he walked up to him. “I said to dry off your hair, silly.” He places the clothes onto the couch and carefully takes the towel from Jongdae’s hands. Jongdae feels strangely at peace as the lights flicker in Minseok’s apartment and rain slams into the windows. He stills when he suddenly feels soft and fuzzy material on his head. “I guess I’ll just have to do it for you. One of us doesn’t want you sick.” With gentle hands Minseok carefully dries Jongdae’s hair, a soft smile on his lips as the other bashfully stares down at his feet. Minseok didn’t mind the close proximity. If he’s honest, he enjoyed it. He stays quiet as his hands work through the towel, making sure that he gets all the wet strands of hair dry, or at least mostly dry before pulling away. 

Jongdae whimpers at the loss of the touch and curses inwardly at himself. He didn’t deserve Minseok’s kindness. He was going to kill him in twenty days or less, in a house where he supposedly felt safe, around people that made him feel safe. If anyone were to ask Jongdae, he would tell them that he doesn’t deserve any kindness in the world. He’s worse than scum and he wishes that Minseok would see that. He doesn’t know why he’s here, why his brain thought it would be a good idea to come to his apartment after directly being told what he was to do with the man toward the end of the month. And yet here he was, selfishly leaning into Minseok’s touch and  _ whimpering  _ when he pulled away. He wants to throw himself into a hole and never leave it. He’s had enough of this. 

“Now,” Minseok folds the towel neatly over his arm, “get dressed. You know where the bathroom is.” The warm smile still graces his lips and he turns around, heading back into the kitchen to continue making his hot chocolate. “Feel free to make yourself at home once you've changed. Oh, and leave your clothes in the bathroom. I’ll throw them into the dryer once you’re finished.”  _ He’s such a mom,  _ Jongdae can’t help but think to himself with a fond smile as he goes off to the bathroom. He pulls his wet shirt off once the door is closed and places it on the side of the bathtub before removing his pants and doing the same thing. Luckily his boxers weren’t wet so he was able to avoid a little bit of awkwardness. He glances up at the mirror when he takes Minseok’s shirt from the counter. To say he looks like shit would be an understatement. He has dark bags under his eyes, so deep that Jongdae wondered if he’d ever get them to go away. His eyes trail over his skin, taking in the sight of the dark bruises and welts that were still on his body from his run in with Ji-won and the K-9. He just stands there, taking in each bite, each scratch, each bruise. He hates how he looks. He hates everything about himself. He sends a silent praise to whoever’s listening when seeing that Minseok gave him a sweater. It meant he wouldn’t have to explain his injuries to the other and that took a great deal of stress off him. He wasn’t sure how he’d even get through that; he was never a great liar when it came to him. 

“There you are.” Minseok greets when Jongdae steps back into the living room, now dressed in a sweater and sweats. “I was starting to wonder if you fell into the toilet.” Jongdae snorts and sits himself down on the couch, his aching bones screaming in relief. He was so, so tired. “I finished making your hot chocolate.” He walks over with two mugs in hand, handing a purple ceramic mug to Jongdae and keeping the pastel yellow one for himself. “I made sure to give you no more than two marshmallows.” He winks at Jongdae, who can feel his cheeks heating up, and sits down next to him. “So,” he leans back into the soft cushions, “what are you doing here at four in the afternoon in the middle of a storm? Don’t get me wrong, I love your company, I’m just curious.” 

Jongdae knew the questions were coming. He was dreading it, but he expected it. “I just missed you.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either. Thankfully, if Minseok suspects him of lying then he doesn’t voice it. He seems content enough with the answer and brings his mug to his lips, waiting a moment before taking a sip. His eyes shift over to him, taking in his exhausted appearance. “You look,” he presses his lips into a thin line as he thinks, “ _ ill. _ ” Jongdae snorts as he stares down at the warm mug in his hands. 

“Gee, thanks. You look great too.” He rolls his eyes and Minseok shifts from beside him.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. You look awful,” okay,  _ ow,  _ “are you taking care of yourself? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you having at least three meals a day?” God, his mother mode was back and on all the way. Jongdae restrains from rolling his eyes again and nods his head.

“Yes, mother.” 

Minseok scowls at this and nudges his thigh with his sock covered foot. “Hush, I’m only concerned. Is it such a crime to make sure that my best friend is taking care of himself? After all, you only harass me every day over the same thing.” Busted. “So come on, tell me, what’s going on?” 

“I’m tired.” His voice comes out as a whisper and Minseok notes how he hasn’t had any of his hot chocolate yet. “That’s it; I’m just tired.” He doesn’t elaborate, but he doesn’t need to. Minseok leans forward and takes Jongdae’s mug from his hands, placing both Jongdae’s and his mug on the coffee table. 

“Come here.” Jongdae hesitantly looks up and sees Minseok facing him with outstretched arms. Fuck, he really doesn’t deserve him. He shifts himself closer and Minseok pulls him into his embrace, wrapping his arms around the other tightly. He lays down and positions himself so that Jongdae’s resting his head on his chest. Their legs are a tangled mess but Jongdae can feel himself calm down in just the slightest as he listens to the rhythm of Minseok’s heartbeat. When they’re like this, Jongdae almost feels as if everything is okay. Minseok’s fingers are carding through his hair and Jongdae can feel himself drift to sleep to the sound of his breathing and the rain. 

As his luck would have it, however, that’s when complete realization would dawn over him. This would likely be the last intimate moment they’ll share and it’s all because of him. Minseok’s holding him without a care in the world without knowing what awaits him in less than thirty days. He finds it difficult to breathe and he begins to push himself up to put space between him. The apartment’s darker than it was before and Jongdae wonders just how long he was asleep for. The rain has stopped outside and it’s eerily quiet, not a single noise. Something feels horribly, horribly wrong. He can’t even hear Minseok’s soft breathing and-- _wait._ That’s when the smell hits him. His chest tightens as he slowly brings his gaze down to Minseok and pales at the sight. There the boy was, laying perfectly still and covered in his own blood. 

“M-Minseok?” His voice doesn’t sound like his own while he just stares down at him. Trembling hands pull the limp body into his arms, his body shaking as his mind tries to assess the situation. This isn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening. None of this made sense, they were just sleeping. Did he do this? Did he somehow kill Minseok in his sleep? “Minseok, wake up. This isn’t a funny joke.” He shakes him in his grip, waiting for the boy to open his eyes and exclaim it was all a prank. His eyes weren’t opening. “How could I have done this? I don’t understand.” He doesn’t, he has no idea what’s going on. If someone attacked Minseok then surely he would have felt it himself. Christ, the two were sleeping on the same couch! 

“It’s no use.” Another voice rings out through the room, bouncing off the walls and filling Jongdae’s ears. It was loud,  _ so fucking loud,  _ and none of this was making any sense to him. “He’s dead. Obviously.” Jongdae stills and dread fills him as he finally looks up. Oh Sehun is standing by the front door, hiding in the comfort of the darkness. Jongdae almost didn’t see him. “I knew you weren’t going to kill him; I knew you were going to give your father problems.” He steps forward, allowing the darkness to slip away from him so he could look Jongdae dead in the eyes. “So I did it for you. I thought he’d put up more of a fight.” There was nothing in his eyes, not even a flicker of emotion. This was not the same Sehun that Jongdae once knew. He knew the mafia could change people, but never this fast, never this drastic. 

“What? Why would you… I don’t understand. Why-- we-- the Christmas party.” He was at a loss for words. His mind’s blank and nothing is processing. His eyes are searching for any answer on Sehun’s face, but it holds nothing. The body in his arms is becoming colder and heavier. 

“You weren’t going to kill him at the party. It’s him or us; would you have not done the same thing? I’m not willing to give up my life for him.” Before Jongdae can answer, another voice speaks up. One that shouldn’t be speaking.

“How could you do this to me, Jongdae?” He looks down so fast that he thinks he gave himself whiplash. “How could you kill me?”

“I didn’t kill you!” Panic is building up inside him and he’s starting to feel like a caged animal. His heart is slamming against his chest as he looks between Sehun and Minseok with widened eyes. “I would never want to hurt you! I swear!” 

“You swear.” Minseok laughs a humorless laugh. “You would never want to hurt me. And yet you and Sehun are planning my death. I thought I could trust you. I thought you  _ loved  _ me, Jongdae. You’ve only ever lied to me.” 

“I do,” his voice is cracking as hot tears burn their way down his cheeks, “I do love you, Minseok. I love you so much that I don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt you.” He can’t see with his vision blurred and his tears won’t stop streaming down his face. “What do I do?” 

“What should you do?” This time it’s Sehun. “You are the one who put yourself and everyone else into this mess. You aren’t allowed to ask for help from the very same people you fucked over!” His shouts bounce off the walls in the room. It’s disorentiating. 

“I never wanted to put you in this situation, Sehun!” He’s tired of shouting, tired of trying to justify himself. He’s tired of hating himself, but he supposes the world isn’t fair like that. 

Minseok looks at him and scoffs. “Piece of shit.” 

Jongdae jolts awake with a scream. It takes him a moment to realize he’s still in Minseok’s apartment. The lights are on and it’s still storming outside. It’s funny, he thinks, how the weather outside lines up perfectly with how he’s feeling.  _ Minseok.  _ He feels the panic from earlier crash back into him, Jongdae reaching out blindly and shaking the sleeping boy awake. “Minseok? Minseok!” Said boy jerks awake from the shouting, eyebrows furrowing as his mind scrambles to wake up. 

“Jongdae?” He asks in a tired voice and suddenly he stops moving, being held perfectly still. “What’s up? Why did you wake me up?” He can feel the tight grip Jongdae has on his forearms and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t starting to hurt. Still though, Minseok can tell that something is stressing the man out. “Did you have a nightmare?” He hit the nail on the head. It’s when Jongdae lets out a shaky sigh that Minseok fully wakes up, taking in the situation around them. “Hey, hey, calm down. I’m right here.” He pulls Jongdae back into his chest, fingers running through his hair as he rocks the man in his arms. “I’m not going anywhere.” He laughs out when Jongdae’s body begins to shake in his hold. He’s breaking down, after years and years of staying strong in front of Minseok, Jongdae’s finally at his breaking point. 

“You are.” He chokes out between his sobs and Minseok holds him tighter. He’s gripping onto his sleeves so hard that Jongdae’s knuckles are turning white. “You’re going to leave me. You won’t be here anymore and it’s all my fault.” He pushes his face further into his chest. “I’m worse than scum. I’m the biggest piece of shit that’s ever graced this planet. All I do is drag down everyone around me and hurt those I care about. I should be alone, I shouldn’t be allowed to have friends. I’m sorry, Minseok, I’m so sorry.” He can’t stop himself, everything’s pouring out and he doesn’t know how to stop talking. He knows he won’t reveal the nature of why he’s upset to Minseok, but he’s coming dangerously close. He needs to pull himself together, but how can he? Now that he’s crying he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop. 

“What is this all about?” Jongdae can feel Minseok’s chin resting on top of his head and he feels his heart flutter in his chest. It pisses him off; he shouldn’t be allowed to feel this way. “Why would you say those things about yourself? You’re none of those things.” Jongdae can feel Minseok tuck his hair behind his ear. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m so glad that you’re in my life. I certainly don’t think you’re scum or any of the other things you said about yourself.”  _ It’s because you don’t know,  _ Jongdae wants to scream out, but he holds himself back. “And I’m never going to leave you, not ever, so I hope you’re content with me, because if not, well, that’s too bad.” Minseok smiles to himself when he feels the tremors in Jongdae’s body lessen. “Nothing you could ever do would get me to hate you. Nothing, Jongdae.” He goes quiet at Minseok’s words, letting them sink into his brain. 

“Nothing?” His voice is so weak, so quiet, that Jongdae flinches at how it sounds. He didn’t want to come off this way in front of the other. 

“Nothing.” Another silence settles over them as Jongdae forces himself further into his embrace, sighing out in content. For once, he felt as if all his worries were washing away. He wishes he could stay like this forever, with nothing to do but listen to Minseok’s heartbeat. “Jongdae,” his voice is hesitant and it makes Jongdae pull away, “I, uh…” He’s seen him nervous countless times before, but this time it was different. When he was overworked from school, anxious while waiting for exam results, dealing with Baekhyun and his antics, but he was never nervous when it was just the two of them.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Maybe this isn’t the right time.” He’s pulling at his finger, a habit he does when something’s been bothering him for a while. 

“Why wouldn’t it be? We’re both here, there’s never been a better time.” Minseok doesn’t look amused, but Jongdae isn’t trying to be amusing. “I’m serious. I just cried my heart out to you. If you want to get something off your chest, now is the best time to do it.” 

“Okay.” Jongdae stares at Minseok expectantly, but that’s all he says. For the next few minutes, they sit in silence as Minseok awkwardly looks around the room. Jongdae raises an eyebrow as he tilts his head to the side. Just as he’s about to speak up, Minseok beats him to it. “I’m in love with you.” 

Jongdae blinks once, twice, then several times as Minseok’s words register in his head. He’s in love with him? That doesn’t make sense. He didn’t hear him right, there’s no way. Someone like Minseok would never like someone like Jongdae, let alone fall in love with someone like him. This was a mistake, one big misunderstanding. “Jongdae? I knew this wasn’t a good time. I don’t know why I thought it was.” His lips pull down into a frown before a smile quickly masks it. “Listen, I’m not expecting you to return my feelings. No matter what, even if you don’t return them, I will not leave you. I won’t be upset if you only look at me as a friend, even that I’m grateful for. I simply just wanted to get it off my chest. That’s all, I promise. I’m not expecting anything in return.” Jongdae’s eyes are burning and his vision blurs again. He’s crying again, though this time for a different reason. Of all people, of all fucking people, Minseok had to fall in love with  _ him.  _ The biggest piece of shit who was always lying to him, always hiding things and crafting up stories so carefully so Minseok would never find out. Of course, why wouldn’t he? The man who was meant to kill him as if his life meant absolutely nothing. He wants to turn Minseok away, to push him out of his life for his own good, to scream at him until his voice is completely gone. All the things he could do to show Minseok that he’s not good for him, that he’s not worth his time at all. It wouldn’t matter though because at the end of the day Minseok would always be there for him, always giving him understanding looks and silent encouragement. No, nothing he could do would be enough to push him away and he hates that. He hates it so much. 

“I’m in love with you too.” But he hates himself more, way more than he could ever hate Minseok for loving him even when all the red flags are there. He doesn’t want to look Minseok in the eyes, but against better judgement he does anyway. He inhales sharply when seeing the biggest smile on his face, looking the happiest he’s been in a long time. 

“Do you really?” It’s as if Minseok can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

“I wouldn’t lie about something like that.” His voice is still weak but he pushes that aside. “I have loved you for the longest time.” Jongdae has loved Minseok for as long as he can remember. Has there ever been a time where he hasn’t been in love with the man? He wasn’t sure. 

“I have loved you for the longest time too. I don’t think there’s been a day where I haven’t loved you.” It’s like they’re mirroring each other’s thoughts and Jongdae can feel a blush forming on his cheeks. He feels shy, becoming self conscious of every little move he makes and stills in the slightest when he feels Minseok move closer to him. “So we both have feelings for each other then?”

“I guess so.” Jongdae breathes out. He doesn’t know what to do, or how to feel. What good would any of this do when his father wanted him to kill him at the end of the month? Where was he supposed to go from here? 

“Can I… can I kiss you?” The question throws Jongdae off completely. He wasn’t expecting a confession where his feelings were returned, sure, but a kiss? Minseok wants to kiss him? He doesn’t think he can handle any more surprises.  _ Why would you want to kiss me? _ Is what he wants to ask, but given that he’s at a loss for words (again), he only nods his head in response. His heart is beating painfully fast when Minseok moves in closer and he struggles to stay upright. Minseok, as if sensing his nerves, stops himself and puts more space between the two. “Are you okay with this?” Once again, Jongdae nods his head. “I’m going to need you to say that you are. Honestly, we could just do this another day. I think I overwhelmed you.” He lets out a sheepish chuckle and leans back against the cushions. “We’ll move slower; I think that might be a good idea for you.” Jongdae frowns and looks over at the other. Did he do something wrong? Minseok didn’t look hurt or offended, so he supposes not, but he doesn’t like this feeling. He doesn’t like feeling lost and confused. He knows he likes Minseok and he knows Minseok likes him, so what was there to be confused about? With a deep inhale, Jongdae steadies his nerves and leans forward, taking Minseok’s smaller hand in his. 

“Minseok,” there would be no going back after this and he knew it, “I want you to kiss me.” It was all he needed to hear from Jongdae, a look of surprise gracing his features before it washes away to be replaced with a warm smile. He leans forward, cupping Jongdae’s cheeks in his hands and presses their lips together softly. It’s warm, gentle, and everything Jongdae always imagined it would be. His chest feels warm and his body feels light and Jongdae thinks he might be on cloud nine. This kiss only lasts a minute or so, Minseok pulling away with a shy smile on his lips and a flustered appearance. Jongdae imagines he doesn’t look too different. He rubs at his arms and with a red face he quickly looks away, puffing air into his cheeks as he tries to calm his racing heart. 

“That was nice.” Minseok is the one to break the silence. “Really nice.” Jongdae only reddens more at this as he looks over at him. He was in deep now, if he wasn’t already before, and he knew he was going to have a harder time down the road now. He sneaks another glance of the shy boy beside him. The heavy feeling is still in his chest, but now there’s a new feeling too. Determination maybe? He himself wasn’t sure, but he knew of at least one thing: he would never let this man die, not if he can help it. 

**_December 18, 2019_ **

**_18:52_ **

  
  


It’s been nearly two weeks since he first kissed Minseok and two weeks since his father assigned him and Sehun to kill him. He’s still at a loss on what to do-- not that he plans on killing Minseok, because he doesn’t, but he doesn’t know how to get out of the situation, how to get Minseok out of this. He’s thought over every scenario and they all end the same. Either with Minseok dead or with Minseok  _ and  _ Jongdae dead. He rubs at his eyes in frustration before going back to glaring at his ceiling. He’s laying on his bed, something he’s been doing a lot of recently, trying to get out of this. 

He’s seen Minseok a few times since the last time they were face to face, but he can’t bring himself to see him as often as before. Not with someone so big weighing down on his shoulders. Thankfully, Minseok hasn’t pointed out the slight change in his behavior. He still texts him frequently and Minseok often brings up how excited he is for the Christmas party, but that’s about it. He kept the kiss a secret and managed to convince Minseok from telling Baekhyun or Sehun about it too. The last thing he needed was for everyone to find out and then look at him like he’s some kind of monster, and he definitely didn’t need to watch everyone try to act normally around Minseok. 

“If you keep glaring you’ll get wrinkles.” 

Jongdae grunts and rolls over on his side to face his doorway. “You have a theme for popping up when I’m deep in an existential crisis.” Baekhyun just smiles widely and lets himself in. He looks at Jongdae with a questioning look before disregarding it and wandering over to his desk. “How’d you even get in my house?”

“Spare key. Duh.” The silver-haired man gives him a lazy grin. “I came to snoop through your personal belongings.” Jongdae raises an eyebrow and has to suppress the urge to roll his eyes when Baekhyun begins to do exactly that. At least he was honest. He picks up a random candle, opening the lid and taking a quick sniff. “Smells like lavender. Disgusting.” He says with a scrunch of his nose. 

“Because it is lavender. Why are you snooping through my things?” Baekhyun ignores his question, only going through more items. He opens one of his dresser drawers, lazily rummaging about and tossing some clothes on to the floor. “Baekhyun, seriously, what the fuck?” 

“If you really want to know,” he closes the drawer quietly and spins around to face him, “your father ordered me to spy on you.” Jongdae sits up at the news and sends Baekhyun a cautious look. Why on earth…? “He thinks you’re up to something.” He answers as if he can read his thoughts. “I already know you’re up to something, so if I know then he definitely knows. Besides, even if all I did was toss some underwear around, I won’t technically be lying if I told him I snooped around.” He appreciates Baekhyun’s humor, but he was still unnerved over the idea of his dad not trusting him. He can’t blame him, not when he’s actively thinking of ways to get Minseok out of this safe and sound. “Although, I’m glad he sent me instead of Sehun or Junmyeon. God, have you seen that kid recently?” He sighs at Baekhyun’s question. Sehun had, for better or for worse, become a miniature Junmyeon. It was horrifying how fast he had picked up on the older man’s habits, and how eager he was to please his father. It wasn’t surprising, most people in his family want to earn the approval of his father, but this… Sehun was becoming a lot to deal with. Just hanging around him for more than five minutes would stress him out. There was no way he was thinking about sparing Minseok.

“Yeah. I try not to, though. Just seeing him depresses me.” 

“Still blaming yourself for his change in behavior?” Baekhyun takes a seat on his desk chair, looking around his room with a bored expression on his face. 

“Like you haven’t? I remember how vocal you were when you found out Sehun joined.”

“It didn’t help that you hid it from me and I found out from Sehun rambling.” 

“Fair.” 

“But in all seriousness, what’s done is done. You can’t continue beating yourself up over this. Junmyeon, god that fucking prick, I really can’t stand him sometimes.” Jongdae snorts in agreement. “If we speak off the record--”

“That was on the record?”

“What the hell are you up to? You aren’t exactly subtle, you know.” This time Jongdae does roll his eyes. “Actually, you know what? Don’t tell me if you plan on doing something because then I’ll be required to inform your father. So instead, just tell me that you aren’t up to anything.” The two share a look, one that tells Jongdae that Baekhyun is absolutely serious. Even though they’re close friends, his father comes first and he understands that Baekhyun wouldn’t want to get on his bad side, especially when he has his mother to take care of. 

“I’m not up to anything.” He finally speaks up. “I’m just spending my free time thinking. You can’t blame me for that, can you? Not even my father can blame me for thinking.” Baekhyun nods his head in silent understanding. They both knew he was up to something, but as long as he didn’t voice it, then Baekhyun wouldn’t do anything about it. “Minseok’s excited for the party.”

“I’m sure he is.” He hums as he leans back into the chair. “He’s excited every year for it. His two favorite things in one: you and Christmas.” A deep blush flares up on Jongdae’s face and he thanks every star in the sky that Baekhyun’s too busy looking out his window. “Are you going to let Sehun kill him?” This time Baekhyun’s looking at him with a poker face. “Or will you be the one killing him?”

“I will be the one killing him.” He says after a moment of hesitance. “Sehun will simply be there when it happens. I’ve made it clear that he won’t be touching him.” The man glances over at him with a look in his eyes that makes Jongdae think he knows something that he doesn’t. 

“You need to watch over him at the party. I don’t know how he’ll be in the situation, I haven’t taken him on the same kind of jobs that Junmyeon takes him on, but keep an eye on him. He’s becoming more and more like Junmyeon and your father and he might take the chance to kill Minseok before you do.” His stomach churns at the thought. “He’s acting like he knows more than us now. Chanyeol’s having a hard time with him now too. I’ve never seen him struggle to like someone so much before. Hell, he can even tolerate Junmyeon.” 

“What if Minseok gets sick and can’t make it?” 

Baekhyun shoots him a warning glance. “Jongdae.”

“It could happen. People get colds this time of year. Minseok might decide that staying home is a better option. Watch a movie while drinking hot chocolate. He’s always preferred staying home over large crowds.”

“Jongdae.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to go this year. He might find our Christmas parties overwhelming anyway, or he could just oversleep because he took a nap, or maybe something will come up and he’ll--”

“Jongdae!” His fist slams down on the desk and he promptly stands up. Tears are forming in Baekhyun’s eyes from frustration and he has a frown etched deep into his face. “If you keep talking I will have to kill you. Is that what you want? I will kill you and then I’ll take your place and kill Minseok myself. You and I both know he won’t skip the party, and if I find out that he suddenly can’t make it because he has a cold, I will have to report to your father that you informed Minseok of the job.” His voice waivers as he speaks and he finally pulls his gaze off Jongdae, a gaze that was strong enough to make his skin crawl. “If, and I cannot stress this enough, if you plan on doing something stupid and reckless,  _ do not tell me.  _ Don’t tell a single fucking soul. Don’t tell me, don’t tell Chanyeol, and don’t tell Sehun. Keep it to yourself. I can’t do anything about it if I don’t know. No one can do anything about it if they don’t know.” Jongdae lowers his gaze to his hands that are limp in his lap. His mouth was dry and he swallowed the growing lump in his throat. “I should get going. I’ll tell your father that I found nothing out of the ordinary.” He walks over to the doorway, glancing back at the boy one more time. “Hey, Jongdae?” He looks up from his hands, Baekhyun smiling weakly. “You know I love you, right?”

He’s stunned and for a moment not a single word pops into his brain before snapping out of it. “Y-Yeah, of course. Of course I know.” He smiles brightly at Jongdae’s words. “I love you too, dumbass.” There’s a tint of red dusting Jongdae’s cheeks as he mutters out his affections. 

“Good. See you at the party.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**_December 24, 2019_ **

**_18:30_ **

  
  


Jongdae has no idea what the plan is. He’s thought of several reckless and stupid things to do as Baekhyun called it, but none of them were realistic. He has no fucking idea. His palms are sweaty and for the fifth time that evening he wipes them against his dress pants. Minseok hasn’t arrived yet and Baekhyun keeps shooting him questioning looks. From an outside perspective, everything is normal. Christmas music is playing and guests are chatting with one another, none of them Minseok would even know with the exception of Baekhyun and Sehun. He glances over at the snack and drink bar where Chanyeol’s pouring himself a glass of wine. They lock eyes and Chanyeol shoots him his dazzling award winning smile. He wants to throw up. 

The entire family knew what would take place tonight. If he were to get Minseok out of this, which is the goal, it would be difficult. He jumps in the slightest when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. His stomach drops when seeing who it is. “Where is he?” Sehun asks with the slightest hint of edge to his voice. 

“I don’t know. He’s running late.” Sehun gives Jongdae a suspicious stare, one that screams, ‘ _ Junmyeon warned me about you pulling something like this, _ ’ but says nothing of the sort, instead he says the unexpected. “I’m sorry that things had to go this way. I know it’s not what you wanted. It’s not what I wanted either, but I guess life’s unfair like that sometimes, isn’t it?” Jongdae only sighs in response. It was more than what he was expecting though. “What time did you want to do it?” Why does he make it sound so simple? So small?

“Not long after he arrives. Maybe we can get him a little tipsy on wine.” It hurt him to say these things. 

“Good idea. Minseok loves wine.” 

“Then we just have to get him alone. Maybe we can bring him up to my room.”

“Your room?” Sehun questions with a raised eyebrow. “That’s a little intimate, isn’t it? Won’t he feel weird with me in there as well?” He runs a hand through his slicked back hair. He has a point. “We should have planned this out better before, but Junmyeon said that might have overwhelmed you and then no progress would have been made.” Jongdae wants to laugh. Junmyeon was worried about him now? How endearing. 

“I don’t know. Maybe we can bring him to the library.”

“Your father’s office? That’s ballsy. If you get blood all over the room he’ll flip his shit when he comes back.”  _ Another point,  _ the man thinks to himself. If in any other situation, Jongdae would almost be proud of what Sehun’s become. However, right now he’s just annoying the ever living shit out of him. 

“Then what do you suggest, Sehun? Where should we bring him? If the bedroom is too intimate and the library too risky, where do you suggest we go?” He was losing control of his temper and it wasn’t unnoticed by the taller male. Still, Sehun seems to know his place for once and stays silent. A couple of minutes pass in silence and Jongdae’s about to walk away before Sehun speaks up again. 

“What about the living room upstairs? It’s not intimate there and your father won’t care if we get blood on the carpet there. It’s open and a normal setting for friends to chat.” He offers as the front doors to the house open, a shy and timid Minseok stepping inside. “Well, I guess it’ll have to do. We’ve run out of time.” 

_ “We’ve run out of time.”  _ The words drill themselves into his brain over and over as Minseok looks around before spotting Jongdae and Sehun, beaming brightly as he walks over to them. “Thirty minutes. Get him as tipsy as possible. It’s for the best if he’s not aware of what’s happening.” There was sympathy in his voice. 

“It’s hard to stay drunk when your best friend points a gun to your head.” He hisses out through clenched teeth, but Sehun’s already walking away to join Chanyeol as Minseok walks up. 

“Jongdae!” Minseok greets cheerfully and quickly pulls the man into a tight hug. Jongdae can feel the tips of his ears warming up as he wraps his arms around the man tightly. “I missed you.” His heart feels like bursting when seeing Minseok’s shy smile as they separate. He tries to ignore the gazes boring into them. Thankfully, Minseok hasn’t seemed to take notice. “You uh,” his mouth is dry, “do you want something to drink?” Did he really want to get Minseok tipsy? If he was going to get him out of this, he’d want him sober. Then again, how was he going to get him out of this? 

“Sounds great.” He winks playfully at Jongdae and hooks his arm around his. “You know I can’t turn down wine.” With red ears Jongdae brings him over to the snack and drink bar where Sehun and Chanyeol are chatting lazily. “Sehun, it’s nice to see you.” Jongdae watches as Sehun gives him a cold look before it’s quickly replaced with a forced smile. He glances over at Minseok, the same smile still on his lips. He wonders if he noticed the change in Sehun’s behavior too. 

“It’s nice to see you too, Minseok. It’s been a while.” He sounds bored, and if the way he’s swirling the wine in his cup is any indicator, he most definitely is. Minseok, for the first time that night, looks startled and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Sehun’s watching him with keen eyes and Minseok’s starting to squirm. 

“You must be the Kim Minseok I’ve heard so much about.”  _ Chanyeol, thank god for Chanyeol, _ Jongdae thinks. He must have sensed how tense the situation was becoming and jumped in. Chanyeol’s always been good at handling situations like that. “My name is Park Chanyeol. It’s lovely to meet you.” There it is again, that damn smile. He can see Minseok’s cheeks redden slightly from the attention and Jongdae swears under his breath. Seriously? He was really going to pull his best smile on Minseok? And in front of him? 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” He reaches out and shakes Chanyeol’s extended hand. “Um, I don’t think I’ve ever heard about you though. How do you know Jongdae?” A slight pause, so slight that Jongdae nearly misses it. 

“Ah, well,” Chanyeol recovers from the questioning in no time, “I’m a friend of the family you could say. My father is good friends with his father.” Minseok seems content with this, though Jongdae knows he has no reason not to be. “Hurts that Jongdae never talks about me though.” He has a pout on his lips and Jongdae fights the urge to roll his eyes. Minseok giggles in response. Jongdae just stands there, letting Minseok and Chanyeol chat while Sehun stays by Chanyeol’s side, never taking his eyes off Minseok. 

He has no plan. He doesn’t think Sehun has one either, which could work out in his benefit. Given his attitude, Sehun has no desire to spare Minseok tonight. He subconsciously tightens his grip on Minseok’s arm as Baekhyun approaches the group. “Well, well, well. Look who it is. I can hear Chanyeol flirting with you from across the house.” Jongdae snorts at Baekhyun’s lame attempt to hide his jealousy. 

“Was not.” Is all the taller argues back with. Minseok pulls away from Jongdae to give Baekhyun a hug, squeezing him in his arms. “Baekhyun, I missed you!” Baekhyun can feel his face redden from the affection the older was giving him. He would never tell, but Baekhyun was a sucker for it. 

“I-I missed you too.” He tries to wiggle his way out of Minseok’s grip, but it seems he has an iron grip on him. “Minseok, you’re making it hard to breathe.” Minseok laughs sheepishly and quickly moves away, his cheeks a faint pink.

“Sorry, I just got so excited! I hadn’t seen you in a bit.” Baekhyun freezes on the spot before he blinks several times. Sehun raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. “Baekhyun?” Concern immediately washes over him when he sees tears welling up in his eyes and once again Chanyeol jumps to the rescue. 

“He’s been very emotional recently. The princess read a sad post online about someone putting their dog down or something.” Chanyeol says with a wave of his hand. Baekhyun can feel his eye twitch out of annoyance and Jongdae sighs. 

“Come on, Minseok. I have the feeling that Baekhyun’s about to hit him.” Minseok gives him a questioning look, but doesn’t say anything, instead letting Jongdae pull him away from the small group. If he could get Minseok alone right now, without Sehun, he might be able to sneak Minseok out of the party. Still, he would end up just going back to his apartment and his father would send someone out to kill him there instead. Would he be able to talk Minseok into leaving the city? He finds it unlikely, but he would still give it a try. 

“Where are the two of you heading off to so fast?” Sehun’s back at their side and watching the two of them with a form of interest. Minseok looks unnerved by Sehun’s sudden appearance and Jongdae kisses any chance of getting him alone goodbye. He was going to follow them the entire night, wasn’t he? He shouldn’t be surprised, not when he knew that his father sent Baekhyun to spy on him because he was suspicious. He can only imagine the things Junmyeon has said about him to Sehun when he wasn’t there to defend himself. “Minseok, I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier.” This catches both men off guard as they look to the younger. “I’ve been in a bad mood today and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” Jongdae raises an eyebrow at this. Could it be that Sehun was starting to get cold feet? Maybe he’d be able to talk him out of this too. “After all, we’re at a party, aren’t we? We should be enjoying ourselves. I want to catch up with you, if you wouldn’t mind. Would you like to talk upstairs? I think it’s quieter up there.”  _ Nevermind.  _

Has it even been thirty minutes? Jongdae runs his hands over his face when Minseok cautiously agrees. A feeling of dread washes over him and he knows shit is about to go down. He can’t get the feeling to go away, and the more he tries to get his mind off it the stronger it becomes. He watches as Sehun leads the two of them upstairs, Jongdae aware of the gazes on his back from Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Baekhyun would be a crying mess tonight. At least he’d have Chanyeol to hold him. 

“Do you mind,” Jongdae pauses as the trio reach the top of the stairs, “if I quickly use the restroom?” Sehun looks at Jongdae from over his shoulder but says nothing.

“Why would you need to ask?” Minseok asks as he turns around. “It’s your house, silly.” Jongdae nearly flinches when Minseok reaches up to poke his cheek. A frown forms on his lips and he pulls back slightly. “What’s wrong with you? Are you alright?” There’s concern etched all over his face and Jongdae wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. 

“Yeah, of course.” It would do him no good if he decided to freak Minseok out. “I’m just a little tired is all.” He gives him a reassuring smile before quickly leaving the two and disappearing into the bathroom. As soon as he enters the bathroom he presses his back against the door, letting out a shaky sigh as he tries to regain his composure. He needs to be strong for Minseok so he can think clearly and get them out of here. He couldn’t afford to have Jongdae tripping over himself at a time like this. 

Jongdae tightens the tie around his neck and stops himself in front of the mirror. He gazes at his reflection and cringes. His hair is neatly slicked back, but his eyes are void of any emotion. He looks pale under the bathroom lighting. He looks ill, like someone who hasn’t slept in several days. 

His calm composure is starting to wear off as he looks down at his trembling hands. His stomach doing somersaults and his mind’s racing with a hundred thoughts a minute. He closes his eyes and takes in a long breath. Could he do this? Could he really get Minseok out of this? He chews on the inside of his cheek anxiously.

He can hardly think straight with the music blaring in the background. It was Christmas music, which for some reason only psyches him out more. 

He stares down at his knuckles gripping onto the rim of the sink, the skin turning white with pressure. He can hear his racing heart beat over the blasting music. How did he get here? How did this become his life?  _ It doesn’t matter how,  _ he bitter thinks,  _ I just need to get back out there.  _

With one last deep breath he exits the bathroom, feeling a little better than before but not by much. “Sorry for taking so long--” All words die in his throat as he takes in the scene ahead of him. There Sehun stood with Minseok cornered and his gun pointing directly in his face. Within seconds Jongdae has his own handgun out and aimed at the back of Sehun’s head. Given their reactions, it would appear that neither of them were aware of his presence until now. Minseok’s staring at Jongdae with wide and terrified eyes, a look that he knows he’ll never be able to get out of his head. 

“I figured you would pull that shit.” Sehun admits with a sigh. “I’d prefer to end the night without a bullet in my head.” He doesn’t make an effort to lower his own gun, however, still pointing it directly at Minseok. 

“Drop the fucking gun.” He demands through clenched teeth. Sehun doesn’t make any moves and instead turns just enough so he can look at Jongdae from over his shoulder. 

“Junmyeon warned me that you would try and pull this. I see your father was right about sending Baekhyun to spy on you.” Jongdae stills. He knew about that? 

“W-What the fuck is going on?” Minseok chokes out while trying to increase the space between himself and Sehun’s gun. Jongdae looks at Minseok with a panicked expression as he tries to think of something to say. 

“You’re hesitating to tell him now? He’s about to die, it’s not like it’s going to matter if he knows.” 

“What are you talking about?” Minseok nearly screams out. “Jongdae, please talk to me.” 

“My father runs a mafia. Sehun and I are part of it.” He breaths out without taking his eyes off Sehun. “Your uncle, Ji-won… he snitched on my father to the police. We were going to kill him but he killed himself first. My father was pissed when he found out and ordered that Sehun and I kill you instead to salvage his reputation.” Only silence follows, no one daring to say a word. “I don’t want to kill you.” 

Tears are streaming down Minseok’s round cheeks as he takes in everything. “Your father ordered you to kill me?” 

“Why else would we be doing this?” Sehun asks with a raised eyebrow. He’s calm, too calm for someone with a gun pointed at the back of their head. “And I knew Jongdae would chicken out the moment we were ordered. So I took it upon myself and thought it would be a good time when he excused himself. Honestly, I don’t see why you’re so mad, Jongdae.” 

“Are you serious? You really don’t see why I’m mad?” He’s seeing spots in his vision. He attempts to control his flaring anger so that he doesn’t lose control of the situation. 

“I thought I was doing you a favor. You clearly cannot handle killing Minseok, so I planned on doing it for you. This way you can sleep at night because you wouldn’t be the one to pull the trigger. When you talked to me that day, when your father called us to the library, after your speech I decided that I would take the burden from your shoulders and keep it as my own. I don’t mind killing Minseok the way you would. If you had stayed in the bathroom then you wouldn’t have had to see it. You wouldn’t have the scene playing in your head every time you go to bed at night.” 

“Do you… do you even  _ hear  _ yourself, Sehun? How can you not mind killing Minseok? Sehun, you don’t need to do this.” Jongdae’s hands are shaking as he stares at his back. “We don’t have to do this.” Sehun only snorts in response. Jongdae swallows hard as his patience begins to wear away. He doesn’t know how much longer he can stay calm, not when Minseok keeps looking at him like  _ that.  _ His heart nearly leaps into his throat when Sehun takes another step toward Minseok, pressing the front of the gun into his forehead. “Sehun,  _ please _ !” His voice cracks and for the first time Sehun stills and appears to be caught off guard. The control over his emotions leaves the second tears began to stream down Jongdae’s cheeks. “Think about this.”

“I’ve already thought about it.” He says after recovering from his initial shock. “What more is there left to think about? You’re only dragging this out and hurting yourself in the process!” 

“Minseok was one of your best friends! You can’t tell me that you don’t feel something right now.” His hands are shaking and it’s getting hard to keep the gun properly aimed at Sehun’s head. With tears filling his vision he continues to speak. “Sehun, this isn’t like you. This isn’t something you have to do. Just think and put the gun away!” Sehun can tell Jongdae’s crying even without looking at him. He’s never seen his friend cry, not once and he isn’t sure what to make of it. Jongdae doesn’t cry over useless things and he doesn’t let trivial things upset him. He knew he’d get upset, but he never thought he’d see him cry. 

“Jongdae--”

“We don’t have to kill him. Sehun, I am  _ begging  _ you not to hurt him.” Sehun swallows and he can feel his mouth go dry. Just moments ago he was so certain of himself and confident in what he was doing. Now was not the time for him to have second thoughts. 

“If we don’t kill him then your father will kill us instead.” Sehun keeps his voice steady as he speaks. “And after he kills us he will kill Minseok himself.” Minseok’s eyes widen at Sehun’s words and he looks back at Jongdae.

“Your father will kill you if you don’t kill me?” Jongdae swears silently at the look Minseok was giving him. He already knew where this was headed.

“Minseok, think about what you’re about to say carefully--”

“If he will kill you then you can kill me. Jongdae, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” Jongdae closes his eyes in frustration as Sehun tilts his head to the side before looking back at the other. 

“Did you hear that? He’s giving you permission to kill him. You’ll be able to live without the burden after all.” Sehun gives Minseok a small smile. “I promise you won’t feel a thing.” 

“Sehun!” He nearly drops the gun when Jongdae screams out his name. “Don’t you fucking dare. I will protect us from my father, Sehun, it doesn’t have to be like this! I swear, I swear on my fucking life that I will keep him away from you. The three of us can get out of here and we never have to look back. I will protect you, Sehun. Let me protect you. You’re my responsibility; let me protect you.” 

Sehun struggles to say anything as his eyes fill with tears. It was like the situation was hitting him for the first time as he stared at his terrified friend in front of him. He’s not happy about the situation, why would he be? However, he was given specific orders from Jongdae’s father to kill him, and how could he disobey that? But now Jongdae’s telling him he can protect them, that he can shield them from his father. After all, Jongdae  _ is  _ his son; if anyone would be able to protect him it would be Jongdae. “Okay.” He takes a few steps back from Minseok, lowering the gun to his side. “Okay.” He repeats to himself and turns half way to look Jongdae in the eyes. He looks relieved. “Promise me that you can protect me from your father.”

“W-What?” Sehun looks at Jongdae’s tear stained face. He looks unrecognizable with red puffy eyes and swollen lips. Even the tip of his nose was red. 

“I want you to promise me that you can protect me from your father. That if it comes down to it, you’d be willing to put your life on the line for me.” Sehun didn’t want to kill Minseok, he didn’t want to kill Jongdae. He was desperate for a way out of the situation and he wanted Jongdae to be the one to pull him out. “If I leave with you and Minseok, can you for sure promise me that your father will not kill me in the future? You can promise me that you’ll keep me safe?” It’s when Jongdae doesn’t answer that Sehun can feel his own tears streaming down his cheeks. Why couldn’t he make this easy for him? “Can you promise me?” So he tries again, silently begging Jongdae to give him a fake half-assed promise. He doesn’t care if he can’t keep it, he doesn’t care if he doesn’t mean it. He just needs Jongdae to make the promise. Of course though, Jongdae doesn’t give out promises that he can’t keep. He’s always been a man of his word. Sehun already knows how this will end. “Of course.” He lets out a humorless laugh and wipes his tears away with the back of his free hand. “I don’t have a choice.” At the end of the day it’s his life or Minseok’s, and Sehun would rather keep himself alive. Call him selfish, but he didn’t think that made him a bad guy. 

As soon as the words leave his mouth he turns his back to Jongdae, raising his gun and pointing it back at Minseok. “I’m so sorry, Minseok.” Minseok watches as Sehun takes his bottom lip between his teeth and goes to pull back on the trigger. He squeezes his eyes shut and embraces for the impact. A loud ‘pop’ goes off and the smell of gunpowder fills the air. Minseok’s confused when he doesn’t feel anything and slowly opens his eyes. Maybe he was killed instantly. 

Instead, he opens his eyes to now see Jongdae standing across from him, arm stretched outward and smoke leaving the handgun in his trembling hand. The two stand in complete silence as Christmas music blasts from downstairs. Sehun’s not standing in front of him anymore and that can only mean one thing. He inhales before looking down to the floor, squeezing his eyes shut when he sees his bloodied body on the floor. “J-Jongdae?” Minseok chokes out when he processes that he’s no longer in immediate danger. “Jongdae, what--” He feels himself get pulled into Jongdae’s embrace. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry, Minseok.” Jongdae holds him close and runs a hand through the other’s hair. “I never meant… I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t want to hurt him, but he was going to hurt you.” Minseok looks over, seeing Jongdae’s gun on the floor. He doesn’t know when he threw it, but he guesses that doesn’t matter. He lets Jongdae hold him for a few minutes, letting him whisper comforting words into his ear and pressing kisses to the side of his head. Minseok was still in shock over the entire thing and hasn’t even begun to properly process it. 

Jongdae knows it’s only a matter of time before Baekhyun or Chanyeol come upstairs to check on them. The music may be loud but he knows the sound of the gun was louder. By now, everyone downstairs assumes Minseok’s dead and that he’s taking a moment to recompose himself. “We have to leave, Minseok.” They need to act fast, he’s not sure what would happen if they were walked in on. “We need to go now.” 

“Where are we going to go?” He asks with a strained voice as Jongdae pulls away from the embrace. 

“I don’t know yet. We can figure it out as we go, but we can’t be here anymore. Is there anything you need from your apartment?” He’s taking Minseok by the hand and pulling him away from Sehun’s body and toward the second story window. 

“Would we even have time?”

Jongdae takes half a second to think. “No.” 

“So this is it? We’re leaving just like that? I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Baekhyun.” There’s a frown on Minseok’s lips as he holds onto Jongdae’s hands tightly.

“Trust me, you don’t want to see him.” He lets out a grunt as he forces the window open. “If we jump from here we can land in the bushes below which will cushion our fall.” He pauses when seeing the unease on his face. “Minseok,” he cups his face in his hands, “I _ promise _ you that we will get through this together. I will be by your side no matter what, and as long as you’re with me I won’t let anything touch you. Not even my father can get to you if I’m here. I will lay my life on the line for you. Do you trust me?” Minseok’s wide eyes look over Jongdae’s face, as if they’re looking for any indication of a lie. When he doesn’t find any he sighs and nods his head. 

“I love you more than life itself.” He can hear footsteps coming up the stairs. He doesn’t know if it’s Baekhyun or Chanyeol or someone else. They don’t have a lot of time. 

Jongdae lets out a tired chuckle. “I didn’t ask if you loved me, silly.” 

“I know.” He’s just as tired, but he manages to form a small smile anyway. The footsteps are getting closer. “I do trust you.” 

“Then let's go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And that's the end of the story! I'm sorry if there were a lot of grammatical errors toward the end as it wasn't really proofread ehe,,,, ;; I hope you liked the story!


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